Heart To Heart

  Let's laugh ... My jeans have side effects from 2020....my thighs wore out the material with their friction when I WALK.  So....I looked in my sewing box (yes I own one - 43 years old!)...and found some denim iron-on patches!  I inherited them from someone, so I was pleasantly surprised.  Maybe I'll get some more wear out of these jeans.  Seems simple, right?  Cut a patch, iron it on, and the magic happens.  How long does one iron a patch for?  Well, I guess I go by smell.  lolol.  (Evidently I sew like I cook! "What's that smell?  Oops - over done!" lololol.)  I bet no one will notice the iron shaped brown design between my legs.  Whatever.  🤷🏻‍♀️ Let's sing ... Let's pray ... Father,  Thank You that we belong to You!  Thank You that You are powerful and loving and merciful AND righteous.  Thank You that You are our provider and healer and deliverer and joy-bringer.  Thank You that we can lean...

 I have learned a couple of things from the recent, unprecedented wild fires that surrounded our valley - as well as a great deal of the west coast.   Here's an official list of things to focus on... But, besides this "get you started" list of things to think about, I found a couple of surprises as we sheltered evacuees last month. Maybe keep an extra pair of underwear in your car.  People who left with just the clothes on their back talked about this dilemma (after about 3 days!).  And, when you are donating underwear, new is super appreciated!  Imagine having all that you own destroyed, and looking through donated items (not all, but much of which were things the donor would never wear in a million years).  The feeling of "this is good enough for you cuz you don't have anything" is not a nurturing, encouraging feeling.  The look in one women's eyes when we found a package of new underwear - just her size - was really, really great! And, then we found...

Part of my heritage is early on-set of grey-white hair.  My dad was grey by 19.  My sister was white in her 20's.  She had always been blond, so it was an easy fix for her when she preferred blond.  My mom stopped dying her hair at 88, I think.   I started covering my grey in my 20's, which was a looooong time ago.   I have a list of really committed friends who promised to come in and cover my roots with a sharpie if I was ever in a coma for any length of time.   White hair is hard to cover, and is seen easily when it's not regularly maintained.   (I wonder how many people are still reading this blog entry at this point...) Enter COVID19 quarantine......and today..... Today I begin the process of growing out my white hair.  The real me will become very, very evident. Ashley (my heart friend and hair stylist) did her thing...this first step....we washed and toweled dried and she turned me around and .... I cried. I cried at not seeing my root...

Did you know that blessings come in all shapes and forms and ways?  -Yep Did you know that you have a choice whether or not to accept something as a "blessing" or not? -Yep Did you know that grief is not one size fits all, but the process is needed and necessary? - Yep So, here's a weird thing.  It's been a little over a month since my sister died and I have the feeling that I should be over it by now, passed it,  processed through it already, for Pete's sake.  I would never ask that of someone else, but because of all the strangeness of our lives with Covid19, I seem to be asking that of myself.  For heaven's sake, she's so much happier and freer and painfree and free to laugh without oxygen now......get over the grief.   But, on the other hand...grief is evidence of loss, of love, of life.   My weird blessings... Getting to fly with no one sitting next to me on all the flights it took to get me to Cincinnati and back to M...

2020 - the year I honestly thought we'd be living like the Jetsons.  Flying around in our space cars.  Having our meals happen instantly.  Every house having a robot maid named Rosie.  No one is overweight or has bad hair days. Meet George Jetson - His boy, Elroy  - daughter, Judy, Jane - his wife (theme song is running through my head) Their dog's name is Astro BUT, I'm still washing floors and scrubbing toilets and riding in a car with wheels on the ground and trying to figure out what to make for dinner with no help from "Rosie" Instead - 2020 started out with head lice (which Dennis really enjoyed being a part of.  He takes that little metal comb very seriously).  And, then - a series of infections in and around my eyes, a reaction to the antibiotic drops.... I can go into more detail if you want, but you don't, so I won't. Expectations.  They have two sides. "Without a vision, the people parish" - Prov 29:1...

His mercy flows in wave after wave on those who are in awe before him.  Luke 1:50 For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy.  Mercy triumphs over judgment. James 2:13 David said to Gad, “I am in deep distress. Let us fall into the hands of the LORD, for his mercy is great; but do not let me fall into human hands.” 2 Samuel 24:14 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.   Luke 6:36 ...He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.  Titus 3:5 Two blind men were sitting by the roadside, and when they heard that Jesus was going by, they shouted, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!” Matt. 20:30 We live in a very entitled culture.  Even in the Church I see some of this sense of entitlement.  It's almost like God should feel lucky if we decide to live for Him.  It breaks my heart for more than one reason.   Without a clear sense of our need for the MERCY o...

I can't honestly remember who I heard this bit of wisdom from originally, but the thought of it is so strongly in my mind I'm going to try to share it... Know when you're vulnerable.  Be aware of what makes your heart and mind wander - of what makes your texts or social media posts or conversations sound short, abrupt or snarky. Know when you should not make huge decisions, or when the thoughts you are rehearsing in your mind are not TRUTH, even though they might make sense at the moment - or, feel very real. The easy pattern that I'm thinking about right now is - H.A.L.T. If you're feeling that snippy, snarky, stinky attitude creeping in, ask yourself... ~am I H ungry? ~am I A ngry? ~am I L onely? ~am I T ired? These are basic needs that your body, emotions and spirit will be effected by. Of course, you know I'm going to say - "LOOK UP!"  Lean into God, instead of leaning away from Him when you feel stinky.  Let His heart fill your he...

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16 Last night we had a set aside time for prayer at our church.  Each time we meet it looks different.  This time, the instruction was to pray alone (for the most part).  If someone had a scripture, or particular word or prayer direction they were to go to a microphone and share what was on their heart. After about 30 minutes I found myself walking up to mic.  I could hear the words (in my heart), 'come boldly to the throne' - but it felt like I was standing in front of a judge.  Pleading for friends and family that so need healing in various areas of life.  Immense needs.  Needs only a HUGE God can speak Life into.   And then...I heard myself praying out loud for the young lady (pedestrian) that I hit with my car three weeks ago.  She was cited.  She was injured.   The police say I cou...

What I have learned - by...Jeanette Webber Always read an entire recipe before beginning to cook Always moisturize before waxing Don't be shocked that your fat doesn't go away, it just changes positions There's a distinct possibility that you have inherited your grandmothers chin/lip hair, but cannot  see it without outside help My dream of becoming a professional synchronized swimmer is probably not going to happen  (That's a joke - I'm a terrible swimmer.  But some sports just fascinate me - like synchronized swimming & team kite flying & the olympic sport that involves sweeping the ice and maintaining a lunge position in special shoes that aren't ice skates .... for so long...) Not everyone wears pajamas Skinny jeans (and leggings used as pants) are not complimentary on every body type Always make sure your car is in neutral when you are at a drive through car wash.  When you 'drive through', people look at you weird and your ...

I had what I call a 'stunning' experience this morning during our church service. I've been navigating life with a fractured elbow and some craziness in my wrist.  This morning I had difficulty with really yucky pain striking like lightening from my elbow through my fingers if I tried to hold almost anything.  It was a discouraging situation. As we began to sing together (in church) I reminded myself (and God) that I had promised to worship Him with whatever strength and ability I have.  I lifted one hand and sang as loud as I could because....that's who I want to be...a worshiper out of abundance or sacrifice. We have a special friend in our church family who has a kind of dementia that impacts children.  This friend is large and strong and losing most of what she has learned in her short (teenage) life. She came up and stood by me as we sang.  Then she came over and put her arm around me (gently) and asked what happened to me.  She said that she f...

The Biblical meaning of the word "restoration" is to receive back more than has been lost to the point where the final state is greater than the original condition.  The main point is that someone or something is improved beyond measure.* How I love that.  Really, really love that He restores . I've been praying for a boatload of  wonderful people with broken hearts, broken bodies, broken dreams and promises ... brokenness.  It is incredibly encouraging to me to remember that when the Master heals brokenness, that place of healing is stronger, STRONGER than it ever was before.  The place you and I let Him heal  - restore -   is STRONGER - not forever vulnerable like we tend to live. Yes, there is a process.  Dennis' mom recently had her knee replaced.  Her wholeness not only depended on the surgeon's precision but her cooperation.  She protected the incession for awhile, started exercising and stretching whether it felt good or...

In going through my parents belongings, I found this picture.  (My sister added color - that's what she does to everyone and everything - she makes it beautiful with color and creativity.) This is still me!  I am a 'jeans (that are generally too long - and cute, comfy sweaters - and fun shoes - and 'what is my hair doing? ' - and "look at those mountains... I want to run there" mindset. I know I have frustrated my more together friends with my love of comfy jeans, my love of lipgloss and too little makeup, my tattoo, and my love of cute shoes.  But this little girl is still me. I heard people tell my parents I had a belly laugh, and I still do.  I have embarrassed my friends in restaurants and stores and even once in a funeral when I tried to contain a belly laugh but it came out anyway - kind of through my nose.  Oops. This year (for my birthday) I had this deep urge to write notes to all those who have been such gifts in my life;  I started to w...

We have a dog.  Her name is Noel, and we've had her for about 5 years.  She's a great dog, honestly she is - but lately her level of anxiety (when left alone) has gone through the roof.  It appears she has doggie panic attacks that are very destructive.  It's only been happening during the last few months. We have a friend who is a professional animal trainer who came over to observe and offer suggestions.  She worked with Noel and gave me some instruction.  It seems that I need re-training more than Noel does.  Noel's thought processing needs to be changed, and Jena assures me it will change - if I'm consistent with our new strategy.  I wondered if Noel's age would hinder the process, but Jena insists it won't. Sound at all familiar?   Things you've gone through in the past seem to effect how you respond to the present.  You hear words that weren't actually said.  Or, you make words that were said have meaning that is a long ...

Psalm 139:11 & 12 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You. I have never been a fan of darkness or night.  The cause of that is not the subject of this blog - I just want you to understand the depth that I love the Light of God, the Hand of God, the Presence of God that never gets blocked out by darkness. Almost two weeks ago,  I  experienced invasive eye surgery.  It was not elective.  If I wanted to keep my eyesight I would need to trust someone to punch a couple of holes in my eye and do some work. The surgery seemed to go well, but I've had a perfect storm of complications as I've tried to recovery. I won't load your backpack with details - the thing I'm thinking about tonight is how weird it's been to spend the last two weeks with eyes that longed for dark.  Little outside light, ...

Ok - I'll admit it....I love Oreos.  Yes, I hear some of you gag at the thought, and you're even thinking about 'unfriending' me because a person who likes Oreos can't possibly love Jesus.  But - - - there it is.  It might be because we had 0 to teeny bits of sugar and fat growing up in our home.  I had hot lunch at school and no bagged lunch.  (Oh to have experienced a Twinkie.) I went decades (sigh) without an Oreo.  Decades. Then, one magical day a little over two years ago I ate an Oreo.  Processed.  Fake chocolate.  Who knows what 'cream' filling.   There's fake lemon that is so fun.  There are thin Oreos and double stuffed Oreos.  Birthday cake.  Filling that tastes like Peeps (didn't try that one). I generally can't have them in my home because they really aren't the kind of food I'm trying to eat these days, but...a friend gave me a package of open Firework Oreos because...we have grandkids.  That ...

Confession time...I think (without knowing it) I've always thought I would grow up to be Wonder Women. There would be a day when I'd have long flowing hair with just the right amount of wave to look great when the breeze blows while I'm sitting on the beach. I would have a waist, and a core - and maybe not a six-pack but at least a belly that doesn't slide around. My thighs wouldn't rub together when I walk - sometimes even making my shorts ride up.  Really, there's no graceful way to pull shorts down once the inseam side has scrunched up.  Brutal. (What is that yellow thing hanging from her side?  Maybe a scarf she can wear 5 different ways so she doesn't need to carry luggage?) It's an image in my head.  I have not seen the movie or read her autobiography - I just have an image. That image told me that someday (if I prayed long enough and tried hard enough)  I could fix everything and everyone that had need.  Always, ALWAYS with Jesus -...

About a million years ago, we tried to adopt a little two year old girl.  Her momma dropped her off at the church office and said she didn't want her anymore, and that we could have her as long as we didn't dress her in pink(!) She was very independent because her survival had depended on it.  I remember walking up the stairs with her and trying to hold her hand but she wouldn't let me.  She just kept saying, "ME do it, ME do it."  She wanted to hold on to my finger.  The challenge came when she slipped and let go to catch her self.  She didn't see how my holding on to HER would be so much more secure then her holding on  to my finger. (It was an emotional rollercoaster adoption attempt, as many are.  It was complicated, with {addicted} relatives involved who took her and hid her.  The good part is that she is a survivor of brain cancer [age four], and eventually was able to be adopted by a family where she had other sisters & is very...

Do you ever wonder why? I do. I thought when I got this ancient I wouldn't wonder anymore - I'd KNOW.  But, I still wonder....why....what....why not...? I've been in the middle of a lot of people with all kinds of pain, and I get stuck there sometimes. Here's a couple of lighter "why" moments - A tree in a storm blows down and takes our fence and electrical cords down with it.  But, the tree next to it stands tall (until the tree guy comes and cuts it down, along with 3 other trees).  One tree, among other trees, falls in the storm.   I'm ironing shirts.  Noel thinks a shirt hanging on a door means that Dennis is coming home.  She just sits there...for a long time...staring at the shirt...waiting for him to appear.  Or, maybe she is just amazed that I actually ironed.   These are little "whys" compared to others I toss heavenward.   Last week I found a journal entry that I had written right after my mom died. ...