Weird Blessings

Did you know that blessings come in all shapes and forms and ways?  -Yep

Did you know that you have a choice whether or not to accept something as a "blessing" or not? -Yep

Did you know that grief is not one size fits all, but the process is needed and necessary? - Yep

So, here's a weird thing.  It's been a little over a month since my sister died and I have the feeling that I should be over it by now, passed it,  processed through it already, for Pete's sake.  I would never ask that of someone else, but because of all the strangeness of our lives with Covid19, I seem to be asking that of myself.  For heaven's sake, she's so much happier and freer and painfree and free to laugh without oxygen now......get over the grief.  

But, on the other hand...grief is evidence of loss, of love, of life.  

My weird blessings...

Getting to fly with no one sitting next to me on all the flights it took to get me to Cincinnati and back to Medford.  (All the first class seats were occupied, but coach was social distanced!)  Sitting alone, with 3 seats to myself felt like flying while sitting on a small couch.  Sweet.

Getting to Cincinnati in time to see that my sister was still aware enough to know I was there.  A very small turn of her head, and opening of her eyes toward me - but it happened once and never again.  Blessing.

Having my ear to her oxygen mask as she let her last breath go.  Blessing.

Getting to spend a week with my sister's son and his family.  Every moment a blessing.  

Seeing how my past work experience in a funeral home would help navigate final arrangements in a strange town during a Covid19 shut down.   Blessing.

Having strength enough to clean out her apartment with TeamMilton.  Blessing.

Having friends and family who prayed so profoundly and faithfully that it carried me through such intense days.    Blessing blessing blessing

Life is weird.  Everyone was talking about never wanting to get on a cruise ship ever in their lives, and I was saying that I didn't want to fly in a plane with the unseen virus.  Then I flew.  By myself.  And didn't get sick.  Blessing.

The week before Joyce died, she called me, and then called her sons to say that she was done.  She was too tired to fight for it anymore.  A week and a half later she really was done.  For her - - - blessing.  

The reality of me writing all this down is....I needed to.  Maybe no one needs to read it, but I needed to write it.  I choose to recognize blessings.  I choose to give myself grace, like I would to a dear friend whom I love.  

Do you need to choose to define some things (in the middle of a life storm) as blessings?

Do you need to give yourself a herkin' break (grace) like you would give to someone else?

If we're hard on ourselves right now, we WILL be hard on other people.  Crazy, huh?  But true.  

Matthew 12:20

A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out till He has brought justice through to victory

I Thessalonians 4:13

But we do not want you to  be uniformed about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.

Blessing....

Joyce Milton

TeamMilton

Philip, Lucy, *Me, Rory, Kellie

Blessing