Saturday, June 22, 2013

Yep, I smell.

I smell.

(Just using this picture because I like it and I think it would be a weird job to have!)

Today I smell like menthol.  Not the cigarette kind - the clear your sinuses kind.  The smell that reminds me of my grandpa - who died when I was in grade school - but had (I think they called it) rheumatism.  Not really sure what they'd call it now but evidently he found something that brought him pain relief....the smell of which has stayed firmly planted in my brain.  And today I smell like him.

It seems my body reacts to stress.  Things seem to blow up, shut down, flow too freely or freak out with pain at various times - in my body - in reaction to walking out this end-of-life-on-this-earth journey with my parents.

Today's goal was to be able to sit or lay down without pain. It's not hugely convenient to have to stand 24/7, and I've waited for the last 'blow-up' to calm itself down, but after 4 weeks it seems that I needed help.

After a session of acupuncture the practioner suggested a pain patch.  She said there would be a fragrance, but that if I could tolerate the smell it would help.  When she uses this patch she says the smell reminds her that things are healing.

I smelled like my grandpa everywhere I went today - and I had a lot to do.  I tried to walk fast so the smell couldn't congregate around me, but have to stand still - like at a check-out counter.  You look around and hope people can't figure out that you're the source of the odor - similar to when you pass gas.  (I know - Christians never pass gas.  Whatever.)

The warmth of sunshine seemed to really activate it.  Great.  It's SUCH a nice day out today.

If you've stuck with me this long let me thank you, and let me tell you what my heart is thinking.

When we do life together, and Jesus is doing a healing work, sometimes it might 'smell' odd to those around.  ("She's not acting/talking/singing/responding like she usually does.")  When we have given ourselves over to Him to heal, to bring freedom, to restore in any way He chooses - people around us might not understand what's going on.  We might always want to smell sweet, but sometimes the 'fragrance' of the healing process might be uncomfortable.

My family, my extended family, my church family has experienced significant loss and I feel like Jesus has applied a menthol pain patch on my heart.  Sometimes our hearts need to rest.  I've finally started to sleep at night again (after months and months of not sleeping) - my body needed rest.  But my heart needs rest as well.  HE says, "Be still..." - - - there's healing there.

"He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul..."

The Lord bless you and keep you
The Lord make His face shine on you
and be gracious to you
The Lord turn His face toward you 
and give you peace
Numbers 6:24-26

Friday, June 7, 2013



I think the fact the life changes all the time is just weird.

Tomorrow we are having a yard sale - an event that just doesn't happen very often with me - I'm not a good negotiator.   I want people to just see the worth and enjoy the bargain!   The uniqueness of tomorrow's sale is that we are selling things that my parents had in their home. - for a quarter, a dollar, five dollars, thirty five dollars, fifty dollars.  I've moved them 3 times - each time to a smaller location - so each time there was pondering and decisions about what to keep and what to give away...and this time we are doing an 'estate' sale - final sale.  How crazy that our 'things' can be reduced to a yard sale. Yes, we've kept things of sentimental value - but there just hasn't been a lot of financial wealth in our family.  How really lovely that they were rich in eternal stuff!

Today I said good-bye to my sister.  We have both always lived on the west coast but now she is heading into a great adventure.  She's moving to be with her son's family in Cincinnati - not on the west coast.  We've maneuvered the passing of our parents these months and now she's on her way to a new neighborhood and new divine appointments and new freedom.  How weird that it's so far away from me.  Yuck, but good.

How can "yay" and "yuck" exist in the same sentence?  I don't know, but it does.  So many days it does!!!!

The trick is to not deny the "yuck", and not miss the "yay" of each day - each change.  I want to lean into Jesus - the One who makes all the "yucks" and 'yays" into something so great - the One Who never changes....ever.   Jesus Christ the same, yesterday, today and forever.

Ok - I'll report in after the sale....after watching people seriously consider whether something is REALLY worth a quarter or not!  "Keep sweet - keep sweet - keep sweet..."   (...tomorrow's mantra!)