Heart To Heart

I'm wondering if I'm the only one that thought being a "grown up" would look and feel different than it does? Somehow I thought I'd be a combo of Mrs. Cannizaro , Nita Mehringer and my grandma. Mrs. Cannizaro could put out a fabulous meal for a dozen Bethany students at the drop of a hat. Everyone helped and was glad to do so! Nita was wonderful with kids - grew, canned and juiced her own...everything (I think), and had a wonderful, gentle spirit, faith, peace AND sense of humor. My Grandma Johnson - well, I MIGHT have a skewed memory of her because I can't think of anything about her I didn't like. Now I'm older - grown up, I guess. I still have more questions than answers about this life. I do dorky things just about everytime I try to cook, even though I really try hard. I can't seem to be a good enough daughter, mother, wife, friend, pastor's wife, lead worshipper....and now, I really stink at learning to play golf! Golf remind...

Many years ago, Dennis and I tried to adopt a little 2 year girl. Because of the place of life that her mama was in at the time, that little girl was basically taking care of herself. A two year old - finding food, protecting herself, setting her own schedule. The thoughts that assail my mind right now still bring on the tears. One thing that stands out was her little voice saying, "me do it" - - - a lot. She grabbed my finger as we went upstairs to go to bed - never being game to have my hand hold HER hand. She wanted to be the one holding on. She didn't know how much safer she would be if she would LET ME HOLD HER HAND. From her perspective, I wasn't worth trusting. But the truth was - my strength was enormously more than her strength - my heart wanted to offer her everything I was - what would it take for her to trust me...especially on the stairs? That roller coaster of an effort to adopt did not end successfully (from our view)...but, she will forever b...

Here's a crazy deal. On Monday, Dennis and I were coming home from a conference. After the plane took off and was trying to reach the desired altitude there was a very loud whooshing sound that happened - three times. We've flown a lot. I actually like to fly - but, this was a freaky deal. Both Dennis and I were not excited about whatever would cause such a sound. The flight attendant was....very concerned. The pilot was...not confidence building in his way of communicating what was going on. The plane stopped climbing and slowed in speed. We were cruising slow and low. I've never really had a fear of dying in a plane crash before. This time I started to go over the safety procedures in my mind. Something about using my cushion as a flotation device - but we were flying over farms, so I don't know how that would help! I WANTED OFF THAT PLANE! No really. I wanted OFF! I thought about when my dear friend was facing radiation that was't going well with ...

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. I seem to be given plenty of opportunities to learn about trust. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding." YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. In whatever situation you currently find yourself one thing is for sure - YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. The choice of attitude and response and focus and worship is up to us. "I will NEVER leave you or forsake you." YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. In pain - in new responsibility that seems absolutely beyond what you are capable of - in confusion - YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. "Underneath are the everlasting arms." I love these pictures because I know that these little Webbers feel confident to try new things because their daddies are there, and THAT gives them confidence. I'm repeating to you what is being repeated to me over and over and over again today.....You are massively loved by your Heavenly Father and YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Blessings on yo...

Yesterday was a ... funny day. I went to bed feeling fine, I woke up with one eye absolutely glued shut. Strange. It was the last day of moving my parents from one home to another - and I REALLY needed to be there. So, I put on my really cool sun glasses, made a doctor appointment and headed out for the day. Got the peeps going that were helping with the final loads of the move, went to the doc and found out I had a bacterial infection - - - and continued on with the day. At some point I looked down at my feet. I had similar but not matching flip-flops on, and hadn't noticed it till the afternoon. I'm not super sharp when it comes to accessorizing, but even I know that one should wear matching shoes. Today, still can't wear make-up because of the infection. (Please understand that any make-up I wear only brings me up to the "she looks like she cares" level - never the "glamorous" level.) So now I don't look like I care AND I look sup...

My life has felt like the tv show, "Wipe-Out" the last few months! (We happen to be watching a recording of that show at the moment!) My heart stuff, grandkids stuff, elderly parent stuff....all very,very significant issues remind me of the unanticipated obstacles on "Wipe-Out". Obstacles intended to make the contestants fall off the course. I'm thinking that the spiritual significance of this tv show could be a direct indication of my exhaustion- BUT - - - what I hear is, "NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST YOU SHALL PROSPER". This round has involved all generations of our family.....but knock us down, and we're going to get back up. Some days a little slower than others, but get back up we will. He is able to make us stand. How about you? To someone specifically I want to say - "don't give up, don't give in - GET BACK UP!" The Word doesn't say we won't have weapons formed against us - just that they WILL NOT PROSPER! We w...

I don't like I.V.'s that don't go in right, or bedpans, or drugs that don't work on me so there's no "I don't care" place to occupy. Can you tell I was in a hospital yesterday? The project was to look at and fix my heart. The week of Mother's Day I had a conversation about the gravity of my possible heart problems that totally caught me off guard. The evidence from the test taken showed big problems, and yesterday was THE DAY. Check in at 5:30am. Groovy! I LOVE the view from a helicopter. The beauty of waterfalls and canyons and landscape and glaciers from the sky has taken my breath away. It's my mind's "happy place". But, yesterday I struggled to occupy my happy place. The unknown people, the unknown equipment, the unknown future was a struggle for me. I'm not sure you are going to like this, or even get what I'm trying to say right now but....here it goes.... God loves me even when I'm afraid. He loves m...