I went decades (sigh) without an Oreo. Decades.
Then, one magical day a little over two years ago I ate an Oreo. Processed. Fake chocolate. Who knows what 'cream' filling. There's fake lemon that is so fun. There are thin Oreos and double stuffed Oreos. Birthday cake. Filling that tastes like Peeps (didn't try that one).
I generally can't have them in my home because they really aren't the kind of food I'm trying to eat these days, but...a friend gave me a package of open Firework Oreos because...we have grandkids. That did make me laugh. Like they'll last till the grands come over.
The hook on these Oreos is that they have pop rocks in the filling. Oooooooh ya. I had to experience Oreos with POP ROCKS. I had high hopes of Oreo fun exploding in my mouth - which just wasn't the case. I tried several just to make sure that I wasn't missing the explosion. Nothing.
Until one day.
I was eating slowly, trying to keep the cookie and filling ratio right. Trying to make each cookie last as long as possible - - - - and I felt it. Gentle popping in my mouth. I had to wait for it and pause and not swallow too fast. The popping was there but it was subtle. I had to take the time to notice.
One regret I have as I look back on life is that I don't feel I was "present" as much as I wish. I had goals - good goals, and responsibilities and expectations that I let steal the joy of the Moments.
In my zeal to read the whole Bible every year, my goal was checking off how many chapters I read each day - and missed the joy of saturating my heart with one verse that stood out. The goal was good, but I missed the Moment.
My need to be a good mom and my terror of not being a good mom over-ran many gentle pop-rock moments with our sons, I think. I thoroughly enjoyed them - but they felt the tension of me trying to be good at a lot of good things.
I think that's why we see the word "Selah" so often in the Psalms - 71 times. "Pause and think about it".
During my mom's hardest days with dementia - when I wouldn't know if she'd think I was her mom or her daughter or someone in her room to steal stuff - I'd sit outside and pray each day to have the strength to be a good daughter. I felt this direction from Him one day as I prayed - "Look for what you can find joy in". I was to step away from the fear of the unknown and spend the time looking for the joy. The Moments.
Oh Father - sometimes I really wish you would speak with a shout instead of a whisper, but You know my heart. You give us gentle pop rocks Moments every day. Please help us to not miss them. Thank you for beauty and laughter and breath. Help us to be grateful and aware of You in our Moments. I love you, Jesus, so much. Sincerely Yours, Jeanette