Monday, July 23, 2012


I so like this picture.  I had bribed the youngest and the oldest with a peach smoothie from Dutch Bros.!  So much has happened since this picture was taken...

I'm going to write this blog tonight....not knowing what tomorrow will bring.  Tonight it seems my dad is closer to heaven than to life here on earth.  I love knowing that heaven is close.  I extremely dislike seeing  suffering.

I read from the Psalms to my dad today.  I hummed and sang, and I think he was trying to plug his ear - I'm not sure.  Ha!  Not the response I'd  hoped for!

I have never lived out "we live by faith, not by sight" (2 Cor. 5:7) more than I am during the moments of these days.

That's  a lot of "I's"!!!   (Have you ever counted the times you say "I" in a day????)

Now another kind of "I"...

"For I AM the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you - Do not fear; I will help you."  (Is. 41:13)

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  (John 14:27)

"I have set the LORD always before me.  Because He is at my right hand I will not be shaken."
 (Ps. 16:8)

LORD, please help me shift my focus from the pain to Your promise.   

Sincerely Yours, 

Friday, July 6, 2012

I need to fix it...

"I want to fix SOMETHING!"  - I heard myself saying to the doctor yesterday.  I was hovering over his shoulder as he entered data into the medical report of the office visit we were having.  My dad was sitting in a wheelchair (very new to him), not really able to participate in the discussion.  I had my notes in front of me - my questions - my suggestions.  Calmly, our doctor answered questions, but mainly just looked at me - which led to my declaration...." I want, I NEED to fix something.  Please help me.  Please..."

But, I can't.  I can't fix this.  I can't make it easier for them (my dad and my mom).  I can honor and be diligent, I can care, but I cannot fix this.  And God, who is the maker of my heart & made me this tender on purpose, hears.

 And it's so good that He hears, but more than being heard - we need to...hear.  There really is something that can only happen when God speaks.

In Genesis, He made light and land and universe -  by sweating?  No, by speaking.  When God speaks, something happens.

So, LORD, speak into the void of my heart and my wisdom and my strength and yes, my emotions.  In the beginning, You did spectacular things in the middle of deep darkness.  Please do the same in me - in this situation.

I'm sure I am standing with other brothers and sisters who are walking through hard days - and we say, "Speak, LORD, your servant is listening."

(Meditate on scripture that describes God speaking. Start with Genesis 1.)