I don't like I.V.'s that don't go in right, or bedpans, or drugs that don't work on me so there's no "I don't care" place to occupy. Can you tell I was in a hospital yesterday? The project was to look at and fix my heart. The week of Mother's Day I had a conversation about the gravity of my possible heart problems that totally caught me off guard. The evidence from the test taken showed big problems, and yesterday was THE DAY. Check in at 5:30am. Groovy!
I LOVE the view from a helicopter. The beauty of waterfalls and canyons and landscape and glaciers from the sky has taken my breath away. It's my mind's "happy place". But, yesterday I struggled to occupy my happy place. The unknown people, the unknown equipment, the unknown future was a struggle for me.
I'm not sure you are going to like this, or even get what I'm trying to say right now but....here it goes....
God loves me even when I'm afraid. He loves me even when I don't have a huge testimony of faith to share with people. He loves me....not because I performed well but because He wants to.
The angiogram showed no blocks, showed working valves and no leaks, showed the bottom half of my heart functioning at 100% All of that was in question last week. My heart was, is and always will be in His hands. He holds my heart in His hands. He didn't let go because I was afraid.
Yesterday I had these moments...where a song would bubble up...."I feel the touch, of Hands so kind and tender....they're leading me through paths that I must cross...I'll have no fear, for Jesus walks beside me...and I'm sheltered in the arms of God."... they were good moments of the view from a different perspective. They were helicopter ride moments - like God was saying, "this will look really different when you see it from heaven's perspective".
So, today I say, "Thank You, LORD for Your love and Your patience and Your provision. Thank You, thank You, thank You for Your grace. Thank You."