Heart To Heart

Things I Love About My Husband

2012-02-13T20:15:00.000-08:00

(Just want you to know that I could hear the MOAN from some of you..)

10. He's clean, and He cleans.

9. He's not afraid to try new things (like scuba diving or one of my new cooking attempts - equally life threatening)

8. He gets that I love shoes

7. The opinion he values the most is God's opinion

6. He WANTS me to flourish, and prays for it to be so

5. He fixes stuff

4. He hugely believes in our kids, and delights in our grandkids

3. He's a really great kisser

2. He's a champion for the abused woman, and the neglected child

1. He's shown me how Jesus loves

My battle with thoughts, words and cats...

2012-02-06T09:44:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's Super Bowl will be marked in my memory by yet another cat trying to jump onto my head. I've written about that before - how my head seems to attract the activity of cats - but this time it had an unusual (!) element.

We were at the home of friends, enjoying the game with several people as well as the family cat - who had sniffed and investigated me, but had seemed pretty bored with what she found. I thought I was cleared. It's like the feeling I have when I make it through security at an airport!

And then came the twist. My friend Debbie SAID TO THE CAT, "Do you want to jump on Jeanette's head?" At which time, the cat walked around the recliner, jumped from the floor to the top of the chair and swatted at my head. Really? The cat took my friend Debbie's suggestion?????? It was just weird.

My reason for sharing this with you is this...

The responsibility of care for my elderly parents, the reaction to my husband's decision to be obedient to God and place a stake in the ground for peace in our community, and my heart's vulnerability to be pierced with the sorrows of those around me has led me on a journey. I am very intentionally 'bringing every thought (and every word) into captivity'. One thought can lead me down a road of anxiety so quickly, if not captured and accepted, or rejected and replaced. The picture of Maggie (above) reminds me of what a thought or a word can do - and how the effects expand from that one...little...word or thought.

This is not a devotional, surface, "that's nice" concept for me. This is a "the enemy's intent is to steal, kill and destroy" vs. "I HAVE COME TO BRING YOU LIFE" process for me right now...today.

So, today, LORD - "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight - oh Lord, my Strength and my Redeemer. (Ps. 19:14) Thank You that You know my past, my presence and my future. When I take my dad to the doctor today, (and try to advocate with another doctor on behalf of my mom today), remind me that You hold them and You hold their future - it's not all up to me and my very limited wisdom. I thank You for every bit of today, Lord. Thank You that You ARE the Redeemer and the Restorer and the Defender and the Healer and the Deliverer. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Love, Jeanette

I Feel Strongly About Toilet Paper

2012-01-16T18:16:00.000-08:00

There are some things that most people have an opinion about...

Toilet paper (Personally, I’m for it) - single or two-ply?

Licorice - black or red? Coconut seems to cause some division -water, oil, milk or butter? Lima beans, peas, and cooked spinach - also seems to draw some discussion. Gluten? Red meat? Mother's milk?

Seems to be less people wearing pajamas at home but more people wearing pajamas at Walmart - where do you stand on pajama wearing?

Style, length and volume of worship at church can get the words going.

How about being put on hold, having to go through 85 automated cues, having the real person not be able to help you and then ending the call with the famous, “can I help you with anything else today” statement?

I could go on with the things that people feel strongly about (just off the top of my head) but I’m not gonna...

What if we felt strongly about loving each other? What if the message of our actions and our lives yelled - “I love you more than my opinion!!!!” - instead of, “I’M RIGHT!” How about practicing with the small things?

Jesus answered, “The foremost is, Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these. Mark 12:29-31

Every move I make I make in You....

2012-01-08T18:56:00.000-08:00

It was my Sunday to lead worship this morning. I did something I rarely do - I led what I personally needed to declare. Usually, my M.O. is to lead on behalf of the fellowship. Today I felt permission to lead from a more personal place.

"Every Move I Make I Make in You" - Don't even remember the last time I led that song - it involves La-la's and I'm not a La-la'er! But, when I walk into my parents accommodations these days I feel the definite need to know that I'm not alone - and... that I'm not failing when I can't fix them - and... there is a way to do this with joy. I am definitely not the one in control of life.

In my heart I sang over my friend who goes in for a biopsy tomorrow morning. A tumor on her liver. Lord, what happens in the realm we cannot see when we sing Your song loud and strong? "You are good and Your love endures forever." We declare Your Goodness, Lord, in the lives of those we love and are contending for.

Life is crazy. While I am helping people be ushered into heaven at the end of their earthly lives, I get to hold a brand new little guy. A gift who was prayed for and prayed over for a long time. Crazy, crazy day.

You are the Lord my God. I desire to love You, listen to Your voice, and hold fast to You, for You, Lord, are my life. Deut. 30:20 (...from Beth Moore's, "Praying God's Word Day By Day"...)

Is that a cat on your head?

2011-12-08T08:08:00.000-08:00

I was sitting on a friend's couch a couple of weeks ago and (unexpectedly) their cat jumped up (in that silent, stealth-like way) right where my head was occupying. I've had cats jump from kitchen counters directly onto my head - freestyle jumping. Again, stealth-like - I didn't even hear that the cat was in the room until it was on my head! Or, perhaps you'd like to hear about my sister's CRAZY A.D.D. cat who was racing all around the living room but stopped long enough to dance on my head (again, while I was sitting on the couch).

Yes, I am a dog person. Yes, I know that cats are smart and know if someone is not a fan - - - but really? Do they need to be on my head. No, I do not wear some cat-nip type hair product that they just can't resist. It's just a strange part of my life.

I've had many strange cat experiences. Too many to mention here.

What's my point? GOOD QUESTION!

Do I walk around, afraid every day? "Is THIS a day that another cat will dance on my head?" "I must stay far, far away from cats." "I will protect myself from ever being taken advantage of by a cat again!" "I think I'll stay in my house all day - no cat is ever going to hurt me again!" Do I now EXPECT a bad experience with cats?

What a fulfilling way to live! I've just let a POSSIBLE cat moment shut down my life.

Don't let fear or disappointment or self-pity ("no one else really knows what it's like to have cats jump on their heads like this") rule you! Don't let fear make your decisions for you. Tell the enemy where to get off. "RESIST him and he will flee from you."
We know that "God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind."

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

With my whole heart...

2011-11-24T14:14:00.000-08:00

“Let all that I am praise the LORD; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.”
Psalms 103:1 (NLT)

It's Thanksgiving. It's not anything like what I would dream of. We were given some hours of reprieve from the hospital because of the generosity of some unbelievably kind friends. Thank you.

I am trying to SING LOUDER because it angers the enemy of my soul who delights in stealing, killing and destroying. I will praise the Lord with my whole heart....the God who breathes life and hope and healing and comfort.

Choose joy...

2011-11-07T11:36:00.000-08:00

Come as a little child. What does that really mean?

24 hours ago I was sitting with a lovely sister as she passed from this life to the next. The process was intense but the actual moment was peaceful.

I have been pretty useless today. I did not attend a graveside service for someone I knew years ago at noon, and didn't go with Dennis to a memorial service tonight. I am absolutely thrilled for those who get to spend eternity with their Maker, but the lose on this side of heaven is hard.

These days I hear this call, "CHOOSE JOY!" Really? In the middle of my parents' struggle? In the middle of walking with a grieving family who have experienced several family members who have passed in recent months? When I read or hear people's comments about the one I'm one with? Really?

One thing that Maggie does is something I guess I need to do. Put on my butterfly wings, and choose joy. Trust my Father. Allow myself to be loved. Laugh outloud. Maggie's a good teacher.

The joy of the Lord is our strength....In His Presence is FULLNESS of joy....

So, I will intentionally seek Him out. His Word, His Presence, His Provision, His joy. "CHOOSE JOY." Ok.

(Someday I'll tell you how I learned that a person should ALWAYS check that the brakes are set on their mother's wheelchair, or, why the decision to eat a tootsie roll in the ICU room was such a hard one - even though my blood sugar was so low...but, for today the message is - CHOOSE JOY!)

Evidently, I am not Nita Mehringer...

2011-10-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

I'm wondering if I'm the only one that thought being a "grown up" would look and feel different than it does? Somehow I thought I'd be a combo of Mrs. Cannizaro , Nita Mehringer and my grandma. Mrs. Cannizaro could put out a fabulous meal for a dozen Bethany students at the drop of a hat. Everyone helped and was glad to do so! Nita was wonderful with kids - grew, canned and juiced her own...everything (I think), and had a wonderful, gentle spirit, faith, peace AND sense of humor. My Grandma Johnson - well, I MIGHT have a skewed memory of her because I can't think of anything about her I didn't like.

Now I'm older - grown up, I guess. I still have more questions than answers about this life. I do dorky things just about everytime I try to cook, even though I really try hard. I can't seem to be a good enough daughter, mother, wife, friend, pastor's wife, lead worshipper....and now, I really stink at learning to play golf!

Golf reminds me of real life. If I'm not in the perfect position I miss the ball, hit the ball on the top, hit the grass BEHIND the ball with great force, boing it to one side or the other. Today, we were hitting a bucket of balls and I was asked to stop for awhile because some guys came into range and we needed to watch out for their safety! Really? They were on the other side of TREES! I don't want to be too dramatic here, but that was discouraging!

But occasionally there's the ping of hitting the ball with the sweet spot on the club. The ball sails just like it's suppose to. I say to myself, "finally I kept my head down, my knees bent, my grip right - I'm finally getting the hang of this!" Usually I make the mistake of trying to hit again and watch it skip across the grass instead of fly in the air! And, yes, I want to make a face at someone just like my grandson did in this picture.

I not only have to work at taking every THOUGHT captive, I must take every FACIAL EXPRESSION captive before it manifests on my face! (Just ask anyone who chooses to look over my way while Dennis is preaching. Yep, I can feel you looking!!!)

What's heaven's response to all this that I'm processing tonight? GRACE. Undeserved favor. "Really?" (I ask Him..) "Really"! (He replies.) "Leave being Perfect to Me. As long as you are handing me who you are, and what you have in your hand (like the stones in David's pocket) it'll be ok. Because, it's not by might and not by power, but by My Spirit - says the Lord."

Want to join me in taking some deep breaths of the love and grace of Jesus? Want to choose with me that it's too hard to expect perfection? Want to hear Jesus say, "Amen" to that kind of prayer? Blessings...

I Wanna Hold Your Hand...

2011-10-18T16:03:00.000-07:00

Many years ago, Dennis and I tried to adopt a little 2 year girl. Because of the place of life that her mama was in at the time, that little girl was basically taking care of herself. A two year old - finding food, protecting herself, setting her own schedule. The thoughts that assail my mind right now still bring on the tears. One thing that stands out was her little voice saying, "me do it" - - - a lot. She grabbed my finger as we went upstairs to go to bed - never being game to have my hand hold HER hand. She wanted to be the one holding on. She didn't know how much safer she would be if she would LET ME HOLD HER HAND. From her perspective, I wasn't worth trusting. But the truth was - my strength was enormously more than her strength - my heart wanted to offer her everything I was - what would it take for her to trust me...especially on the stairs?

That roller coaster of an effort to adopt did not end successfully (from our view)...but, she will forever be in our hearts. And, I learned quite a bit from her - not the least was this 'let God hold your hand' principle. He wants to be the one with the firm grip on us, but we often respond to His request with our version of, "me do it".

He has a stronghold on me - - - and on you, if we let Him.

Is. 45: 1
THUS SAYS THE LORD TO HIS ANOINTED, TO CYRUS, (put your name in there), WHOSE RIGHT HAND I HAVE GRASPED...
Read this whole chapter - it is HUGE!

Ps. 27:1
THE LORD IS MY LIGHT AND MY SALVATION - WHOM SHALL I FEAR?
THE LORD IS THE STRONGHOLD OF MY LIFE - OF WHOM SHALL I BE AFRAID?

My Father,
Today, right now, will You show us Your delight in us. Will You show us Your strength and care - especially when we're climbing uphill. Help us let go of our need to be in control and let You hold on to us. Thank You for what You are doing at this very moment - speak, Lord, Your servants are listening....

I'll Fly Away, Oh Glory?

2011-10-08T08:13:00.000-07:00

Here's a crazy deal. On Monday, Dennis and I were coming home from a conference. After the plane took off and was trying to reach the desired altitude there was a very loud whooshing sound that happened - three times. We've flown a lot. I actually like to fly - but, this was a freaky deal. Both Dennis and I were not excited about whatever would cause such a sound. The flight attendant was....very concerned. The pilot was...not confidence building in his way of communicating what was going on. The plane stopped climbing and slowed in speed. We were cruising slow and low.

I've never really had a fear of dying in a plane crash before. This time I started to go over the safety procedures in my mind. Something about using my cushion as a flotation device - but we were flying over farms, so I don't know how that would help! I WANTED OFF THAT PLANE! No really. I wanted OFF! I thought about when my dear friend was facing radiation that was't going well with her body and I was responsible for getting her to the hospital - and she DID NOT want to get in that car. GET ME OUT OF THIS SITUATION. At some point in time, for some odd reason, I decided I didn't want to die all stressed out. If I was going to go to heaven that day, I was going to go in peace.

Eventually, the pilot communicated that they thought a hose had come loose from one of two air conditioning units. No big deal - right? The kicker came when we found out that those units also pressurize the cabin. The plan seemed to be that we would fly low and slow from Nashville to Denver. Evidently it takes more fuel to fly low and slow - so that was a concern. Would we have enough fuel?

Needless to say, when we landed in Denver we were very happy campers.

What I learned from this...or want to learn from this that actually changes my thought life...

It's actually harder to fly low and slow. The Word says that we are seated in heavenly places with Christ Jesus. It also says that His ways are higher. Where is my perspective formed? Through the eyes and heart of Jesus or through my own perspective?

JW lesson number one: If I didn't want to die all stress out - I certainly don't want to live all stressed out!

JW lesson number two: Have heavenly perspective - fly higher! Flying low and slow takes a lot more work and energy. Low and slow for me is having to understand people/things, feeling like I'm responsible to fix people/things. Flying high for me means that I must know that God's the one that's in control. I don't even know how to fly (physically or spiritually)!!! He gets me, and He gets the situation(s) that are currently happening in everyone we're concerned with.

God give us heavenly perspective today, and the ability to take deep breathes! Blessings!

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE

2011-09-05T11:41:00.000-07:00

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.

I seem to be given plenty of opportunities to learn about trust. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding."

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.

In whatever situation you currently find yourself one thing is for sure - YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. The choice of attitude and response and focus and worship is up to us.

"I will NEVER leave you or forsake you."

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.

In pain - in new responsibility that seems absolutely beyond what you are capable of - in confusion - YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. "Underneath are the everlasting arms."

I love these pictures because I know that these little Webbers feel confident to try new things because their daddies are there, and THAT gives them confidence. I'm repeating to you what is being repeated to me over and over and over again today.....You are massively loved by your Heavenly Father and YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Blessings on your day, your heart, your body and your meditations...

Signs of my times...

2011-08-18T14:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a ... funny day. I went to bed feeling fine, I woke up with one eye absolutely glued shut. Strange. It was the last day of moving my parents from one home to another - and I REALLY needed to be there. So, I put on my really cool sun glasses, made a doctor appointment and headed out for the day. Got the peeps going that were helping with the final loads of the move, went to the doc and found out I had a bacterial infection - - - and continued on with the day.

At some point I looked down at my feet. I had similar but not matching flip-flops on, and hadn't noticed it till the afternoon. I'm not super sharp when it comes to accessorizing, but even I know that one should wear matching shoes.

Today, still can't wear make-up because of the infection. (Please understand that any make-up I wear only brings me up to the "she looks like she cares" level - never the "glamorous" level.) So now I don't look like I care AND I look super tired. Perfect. And, I forgot earrings (which seemed important today, for some reason) - and, I'm really thinking that this shirt doesn't go with my pants like I thought it did this morning when I was looking at it with my one good eye. But the day goes on!

I have a scripture hanging by my desk that says this - "She will have no fear of bad news; her heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Her heart is secure, she will have no fear; in the end she will look in triumph on her foes." Ps. 112:7-8

I really and truly want to be the "she" in these verses... but ... when the phone rings, I find myself dreading what I'll hear...my heart feels torn up in little tiny pieces...and for the life of me I can't figure out what God is doing!

What I am praying at this very moment is that I WILL LOOK WITH TRIUMPH ON MY FOES - even if it's with my one good eye!

Love and blessing and peace and wisdom and a stirring of faith to you today!!!!

Wipe-Out

2011-07-14T22:10:00.000-07:00

My life has felt like the tv show, "Wipe-Out" the last few months! (We happen to be watching a recording of that show at the moment!)

My heart stuff, grandkids stuff, elderly parent stuff....all very,very significant issues remind me of the unanticipated obstacles on "Wipe-Out". Obstacles intended to make the contestants fall off the course.

I'm thinking that the spiritual significance of this tv show could be a direct indication of my exhaustion- BUT - - - what I hear is, "NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST YOU SHALL PROSPER". This round has involved all generations of our family.....but knock us down, and we're going to get back up. Some days a little slower than others, but get back up we will. He is able to make us stand.

How about you? To someone specifically I want to say - "don't give up, don't give in - GET BACK UP!" The Word doesn't say we won't have weapons formed against us - just that they WILL NOT PROSPER! We will 'reap a harvest if we don't give up'!!!

Helicopters

2011-05-24T16:48:00.000-07:00

I don't like I.V.'s that don't go in right, or bedpans, or drugs that don't work on me so there's no "I don't care" place to occupy. Can you tell I was in a hospital yesterday? The project was to look at and fix my heart. The week of Mother's Day I had a conversation about the gravity of my possible heart problems that totally caught me off guard. The evidence from the test taken showed big problems, and yesterday was THE DAY. Check in at 5:30am. Groovy!

I LOVE the view from a helicopter. The beauty of waterfalls and canyons and landscape and glaciers from the sky has taken my breath away. It's my mind's "happy place". But, yesterday I struggled to occupy my happy place. The unknown people, the unknown equipment, the unknown future was a struggle for me.

I'm not sure you are going to like this, or even get what I'm trying to say right now but....here it goes....

God loves me even when I'm afraid. He loves me even when I don't have a huge testimony of faith to share with people. He loves me....not because I performed well but because He wants to.

The angiogram showed no blocks, showed working valves and no leaks, showed the bottom half of my heart functioning at 100% All of that was in question last week. My heart was, is and always will be in His hands. He holds my heart in His hands. He didn't let go because I was afraid.

Yesterday I had these moments...where a song would bubble up...."I feel the touch, of Hands so kind and tender....they're leading me through paths that I must cross...I'll have no fear, for Jesus walks beside me...and I'm sheltered in the arms of God."... they were good moments of the view from a different perspective. They were helicopter ride moments - like God was saying, "this will look really different when you see it from heaven's perspective".

So, today I say, "Thank You, LORD for Your love and Your patience and Your provision. Thank You, thank You, thank You for Your grace. Thank You."

Pray Without Cussing...

2011-05-06T07:15:00.000-07:00

The recent Women's Weekend that Parkway offered included a lovely special gift from God. Jody Detrick. She came and shared God's heart with us in so many ways.

It's funny what sticks with you, isn't it? She shared a story about a child who had worked on learning a memory verse in a church that she and her husband served. The verse was suppose to be, "Pray without ceasing." When this little one came up to recite it to Jody's husband he said, "Pray without cussing." SO CLOSE!

Really, this is not the only thing that I will remember that Jody said - BUT - in the craziness of the last 3 weeks, I will admit to have remembered (and applied) this new version of this verse to my own life!

Blessings on your day, your strength, your heart and your prayers!

These are a few of my favorite things...

2011-04-18T16:48:00.000-07:00

I am thankful that I have a thoughtful, generous, caring husband who has not traded me in - even with all the weird stuff he's had to go through with me. In the middle of feeling pretty yucky this weekend, he managed to help me celebrate my birthday with such a sense of caring.

I am thankful for a friend who would call from Turkey to say happy birthday and say out loud his family's love on my behalf. (Even though he reminded me that it would cost hundreds of dollars and I only had 45 seconds to talk to him!!!) My heart felt - hugged.

I am thankful for the look on a person's face who has really heard from heaven! The joy, the awe, the pureness in the eyes of one who is so excited about what God is doing. Oh my stars...

I am thankful for the sound of the song of the Lord coming from His kids. Hearing the church family sing praise is my favorite instrument.

I love having kids, but I really love having grandkids. I am grateful for the hearts of our kids letting us into their lives to love on the grandkids. I am grateful for FaceTime and Skype so that I can see their little faces and watch their bodies run in circles and hear their little voices try to tell me big secrets!

I am thankful for genuine friends, for authentic hugs, for laughing that comes from the core of a person, for peace that comes when it shouldn't be there, for Promises that God has and will keep.

The struggle that Oscar is going through makes my heart literally hurt - and oddly enough, the response I hear from heaven is ... be grateful. So you have just read my attempt at being obedient. Thanks for listening to my heart...

I...WILL...SING...LOUDER...

2011-03-12T12:31:00.000-08:00

Today is Saturday - tomorrow is Sunday! We're going to sing "Shout Unto God" tomorrow and I've been singing it a lot this week.
"The enemy has been defeated - death couldn't hold You down - I'm gonna lift my voice in victory - I'm gonna make Your praises loud!!!! Shout unto God with a voice of triumph - Shout unto God with a voice of praise - We lift YOUR NAME UP!!!!!"

I live with a motto - the harder the battle the louder I'll sing!

This week included taking my elderly parents to the lab for blood tests. Getting them (as well as their walkers) into and out of my Honda Civic is a skill I'm developing. It seems that I sang something out loud after getting one of the walkers freed from my back seat. A woman was walking by and laughed! She said it sounded lovely, but I think I scared her!

I'm just telling you this...I don't want to curse in the middle of battle, I want to sing. It's not in me to tell you about the rest of our week - it was bizarre. Next week one of our grandsons will go into OHSU for tests and yes, my heart breaks for what he and his family are going through - but I want to sing, even through the tears. God has never asked me to fake faith - He's asked me to trust Him and praise Hm in the middle of battle - - - so I sing.

I might sing so loud tomorrow that it bugs you.....your neighbor might sing so loud that you call it distracting! But, we have no idea what the battle looks like in the lives of those around us. "The enemy has been defeated - death couldn't hold You down - I'm gonna lift my voice in victory - I'm gonna make Your praises loud! Shout unto God with a voice of triumph - Shout unto God with a voice of praise - WE LIFT YOUR NAME UP!"

Hail To The King with Lyrics by Shannon Wexelberg

2011-02-22T20:08:00.000-08:00

Please lead the way...

2011-02-20T18:56:00.000-08:00

If you were at Parkway today you already know that my heart is hungry for our children to know what true worship is, and that they become true worshipers. I long for them to know in their heart of hearts that the Song of the Lord is like no other!

I LOVE that the youth come down to the altar to lead the way in worship, with abandon and without shame. I love to see them take a position that will effect the realm we cannot see.

We have the elementary kids in the worship service. I LOVE that. I love the generations worshiping together. But, are the taller people leading the way in passion for Jesus?

We spent some time this week with our family. One day (while it was pouring down rain outside) we went to the gym to RUN and throw the balls and exercise. The pictures you see are of Maggie imitating Heidi's exercise moves. So cute, and so sobering to me.

I am in no way saying that anyone can be perfect. We are all on a journey. The Word asks us to worship in Spirit and in Truth. But, if people are imitating you what are they saying, what are they doing?

This is a blog to the taller people - please press in, for the sake of the generations that follow. Please don't become weary. Please don't sit when HE has asked you to take a stand. Please keep exercising your spiritual muscles of faith and trust and belief. Even if you need to be like Thomas and say, "Lord, I believe but help my unbelief...."

Oh God, my heart cries out to You tonight. Make us a Church who worships You - not a style of song, or a feeling of comfort. Help us crave Your Presence. Help us to press in with all that we are - You said You would be found by those who seek You with all their hearts.

Thank You that You inhabit the praise of Your people. Your Word is true. You are faithful and mighty in battle. Help us, oh God, to pick up effective weapons that bring freedom and healing.

Speak Lord, your servants are listening...

You HAVE to laugh...

2011-02-12T17:15:00.001-08:00

So, here's the deal. I am a woman, I am a pastor's wife, I am over 50. All those things should add up to experience and expertise. I think I keep expecting the older woman who has been to a bizillion potlucks to be ABLE TO COOK!!!! Really, come ON!

Today's adventure...
I need to take a dessert to an event tonight. Let me remind you that last time I took a cake to care group I have managed to turn the 'glaze' into 'hard cement candy' (that doesn't melt if you try to melt it with your blow dryer, by the way).

SO, I'm going to try another cake. First, after adding 4 eggs to the mixing bowls, the rest of the eggs fell off the counter - that is not a pretty sight!

Next, cook the cake...seemed to do ok with that. Next - - - the dreaded FROSTING. Trying a different frosting this time. Only.....evidently one must wait for the cake to cool more than 15 minutes. Really? I have things to do.

The cake was cooked in a tube pan so it's very convenient for the icing to SLIDE OFF the cake into the hole. And then, something darkish started bubbling up from the hole through the fallen icing. (It was melted icing, I guess, acting like a little volcano!)

You're wondering if I'm going to take this beauty with us tonight, aren't you? You bet your booties, grannie! I am bringing something to a function besides my usual assignment - which is chips or bread or a drink. Will people stare at it like they're looking at an ugly baby and don't know what to say? I don't know, and I don't care.

It seems that God and I are continuing to work on the 'you don't have to perfect' part of life - again.

I know that has to be really disappointing to the person who keeps sending me Bon Appetite magazine. Yes, I AM trying!

In 15 minutes we'll be leaving - I'll carry my...creation into the fellowship hall...and Dennis will be entering from a different door! I bet we'll be having a 'look what happens when you try to bake' talk when we get home. (Not really - he's the kindest man in the universe, when it comes to my cooking!) At least I didn't severe any tendons this time. That's got to be worth something!

I know - this isn't very deep when it comes to spiritual truth. I just don't want to hear one more person say they won't try something because they are not good enough. Please. Thank you.

What I learned from "Dirty Jobs"

2011-02-07T21:39:00.000-08:00

Something has just stuck in my mind, so I"m going to share it with you!

By now you have figured out that God teaches me things in very strange ways - - so get ready - -

My husband really likes the TV show called "Dirty Jobs". It involves a host who goes and experiences people's occupations that are dirty or just down right strange.

One show involved something having to do with decaying animal meat. It evidently was very aromatic because Mike (the host) was struggling with nausea. The employees there suggested that if he smiled really big it would help with the nausea. Really?

Now, I don't know the science behind this - but, there might be a principle that I need to pay attention to. Do I smile when I'm walking through stinky circumstances? Or, do I frown and make sure that the people around me really understand how stinky my circumstances are?

I think the more I rehearse to myself or others how stinky life is, the more life increases in stinkiness! Honestly. It magnifies, it grows, it becomes bigger right before my very eyes.

James 1:2 says, "Count it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..."

Why would a person smile in the middle of stinkiness? Because we know a secret....there's more going on than what we see or feel...there's a bigger picture, and more happening than we currently can understand. The pieces WILL all fit together someday.

James 1:3-4..."...because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything....!"

Yes, I have a clear picture of Mike Rowe with a huge grin on his face, trying not to gag - but it's been so good for me.

Lord, help me to use weapons of warfare that are mighty in battle. What thoughts am I meditating on, what words am I declaring? Effective weapons - the declaration of Your Word, joy, trust in You, rest, courage, joy (yep, worth saying twice), thanksgiving, praying in the Spirit - those kind of weapons that are strategic and powerful. Thank you for Your direction and Your bigger, higher perspective.

I love you, Jesus. Amen.

Where do I land???

2011-01-17T11:18:00.000-08:00

I have been resistant to writing a blog entry these days. The days have been full of 'stuff' that takes your breath away. The memorial service for a 29 year old dad that we had a couple of days ago...my nephew's brain aneurism...our kids moving to central California...the ups and downs of our grandson's medical challenges and the weariness of our kids in that process as well...my parents 90th birthdays (finding out my mom really didn't want to turn 90 or be reminded that she's 90 and I have 90 birthday cards coming to celebrate!)...and I could actually go on about circumstances directly connected to my heart that have occurred over these last few weeks, but I won't (aren't you glad!!!) So, where do I land when it comes to sharing my heart with you?

My friend Kathleen gave me this picture years ago. It's a bird in a rain storm perched on a cactus! At the moment, that is a picture of me. But, what I'm waiting for, looking for, listening for is...."He leads me beside the still waters, He restores my soul..."

I have another picture in our living room that is a river running through a cathedral. It's calm, it's rich with Life, it's continual. And THAT'S where I've landed today. I love when we celebrate in His presence, but I also love that He is the Prince of Peace. He will never, ever run out of peace. As I drink every day from that River, from His presence I am comforted and strengthened.

Yes, I can have peace if I'm perched on a cactus in a storm - but that is a temporary part of my journey. I choose to DWELL with my roots running deep in the River of Life.

Secret Place

2010-12-23T09:17:00.000-08:00

Thank you to all who have been praying for my nephew who had emergency brain surgery this week. I am grateful for your encouragement in standing with our family.

He survived a very long surgery and at this point I'm not sure what his journey holds, but, I'm counting on the One who holds him!

I'm very stuck on Ps. 91...He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High, will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge, my Fortress, My God in whom I trust.

To my dear friend who lost a baby this week - - - to my precious one who is facing such challenges both mentally and physically - - - to my friend who is processing such hard things with her daughter - - - to my lovely friend who experienced miraculous VICTORY in her heart surgery, (and, many, many more precious people) ...I find myself praying in the spirit and breathing Ps 91 over and over and over again over you all. I am seeking out the secret place for myself as well as others. He comes. Emmanuel - God with us.

MUST SAY THANKS!

2010-11-24T16:19:00.000-08:00

I am struck today with gratefulness. It's for something that won't matter in eternity but is such a gift from heaven for me!

I...can...play...the...piano. I can play the piano while I worship. Couldn't do that for 2 years because of the severed tendons deal. This is the first Thanksgiving that I can play without the damaged nerve firing in anger back at me at every attempt. Last Thanksgiving I sat in defiance of the circumstances and tried to play anyway. That wasn't all that fun! Every day this week I've sat down and sang and worshiped, and sang some more - just for the fun of it.

Oh My God, I thank You! Thank you for handing back to me what You had given me in the first place. Thank you.

I look around me in anticipation and expectation of what You'll do next. You bless us when we don't expect it and don't deserve it. Please surprise someone this very moment with Your blessing, Your provision, Your healing, Your peace.

THANK YOU, Abba - Father.

How's Your Mailbox?

2010-11-15T19:55:00.000-08:00

We were gone most of last week, so, Dennis asked that our mail be held and then delivered on Saturday. Usually, it is put on our front porch after being held - but not this time. This time it was JAMMED into our little security mailbox cubby. Magazines and CATALOGS (it's the season) and a package and a bunch of regular mail all jammed into a little box. I had to undo it like a puzzle - one piece at a time to get it out.

Sometimes my life feels that way. Things get 'delivered', one after the other...no hot water yesterday, NO water today, 3 more families going through the process of the loss of loved ones, our kids facing challenging decisions that you want to make all better but know you can't...those kind of 'deliveries'.

I've learned I have to unload whatever is delivered EVERY DAY. I need to take it to the Father EVERY DAY. If I'm too busy to take it to the Father, then I'm too busy...because I'm not built for all this all the time. I will get jammed up like our little mailbox, and that is NOT pretty!

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 (New Living Translation)

Will you join me in unloading what's been handed to you every day - not holding on to some - and not being so busy 'doing' for God that you don't have time to 'be' with Him?

God is HUGE. He can handle with excellence everything you and I hand to Him, but He won't jerk it from us - He's waiting...

Higher Ground

2010-11-01T11:32:00.000-07:00

I have a gift - at least I'm choosing to see it as a gift! Random songs will pop up in my head, for no obvious reason. I was humming something in the car last week and Dennis asked me, "what is that song you are humming?" And...I didn't know - until this morning. It was the theme song from the old Dick Van Dyke Show. Hello. Who has a brain that spits out random old-school TV show themes. What is that a sign of?

Anyway...another song has popped up and stuck in my brain as well as my heart - and that one is worth sharing with you...

I'm pressing on the upward way, new heights I'm gaining every day!
Still praying as I onward bound, "Lord, plant my feet on higher ground"

Lord, lift me up and let me stand, by faith, on heaven's tableland
A higher plane than I have found, Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.

(Here's my favorite verse...)

My heart has no desire to stay - where doubts arise and fears dismay
tho' some may dwell where these abound, my prayer, my aim is higher ground!!!!

I wish I had a picture of Tablerock (a rock that people hike in So. Oregon - that's big and flat on the top). I don't have that. But I do have this picture of these birds on a huge rock at the coast. I took this picture because it was REALLY windy that day, and all of the birds were facing the wind. I know I am suppose to learn from that positioning! (If you click on the picture it'll be big enough to see the birds.)

Someone needs to hear - the higher ground road IS WORTH IT!!!!!!

Be strong, be strong, be strong...

2010-10-25T18:28:00.000-07:00

This weekend we got to watch two of our grandkids. It was the first time for this experience and we were extremely jazzed about it. Of course, there was the Pregnancy Care Center Galas (Thursday night and Friday night)....and two funerals on Saturday, but, we did TRY to clear what we could. I didn't lead worship, etc...

So here's the deal - it's a stretching season for me. Learning how to care for my elderly parents has been tougher emotionally than I could have imagined. This week's challenge - how to get a wheelchair in and out of my Honda civic's trunk. (Thanks to a wonderful friend who met me at 2 doctor's offices, it was accomplished!)

I find a vulnerable place in my heart and mind when it comes to the questions, 'what's the next step, the next day, the next phone call going to bring?'

So, back to the kiddos. They arrived, and it became very apparent that the 3 year old was......sick. The next day brought 103 temp. He was really, really not well. The 1 1/2 year old was cutting 4 molars and 2 eye teeth. Get the picture?

The 3 year old looks very much like his dad. His dad had some serious health experiences when he was little. So, this weekend did I rise up as a woman of strong faith????? No. I became afraid. It was like living my son's experiences all over again, and it wasn't fun the first time. The verses that I rehearsed in my mind were - "BE STRONG IN THE LORD AND THE POWER OF HIS MIGHT" - and Joshua's "Be strong and very courageous." "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

By the time the parents came to pick up the grandkids, the 3 year old was feeling much better....and I went to bed at 6:30pm last night.

It seems for both the generation before me that I'm caring for, and the generation that I'm caring for that comes after me the theme will be the same...."BE STRONG IN THE LORD AND THE POWER OF HIS MIGHT!!!!"

That's what I'm thinking about tonight!

His eye is on the ... frog ...

2010-10-04T09:44:00.000-07:00

"His eye is on the sparrow....and I KNOW He watches me." Ok, so I haven't taken a picture of a sparrow yet - I have this one of a little frog in one of our roses. He let the frog rest in a rose, for heaven's sake. It's fun AND it's sobering. So, now my song is..."His eye is on the fro-og...and I KNOW He watches me."

For some reason, the prayer that I am praying for my lovely Parkway sisters this morning is this - "Lord, show them Your provision for them. Show them that You have not left them to walk alone - that is a lie of the enemy. Show them Your love. Help them rest today in a rose. If You'll do that for a frog, You will surely do it for your daughters. Be revolutionary in their lives!!!!!!!" Amen

♥

Hair On My Face Lesson #1

2010-09-22T09:25:00.000-07:00

So, you know from previous bloggings that I am somewhat trouble by the random hair that sometimes grows on my face. No one really warned me about this phenomenon so I am left to face it on my own! There is one hair on my jaw that is growing slowly - it's there enough that I feel drawn to fool with it during the day, but it's not long enough to....successfully rid myself of it. I need to let it grow a little longer! Oh...my...stars....so weird.

My grandmother had a whisker issue. I remember trying to kiss her good-bye but avoid getting stuck with the whiskers on her chin. (I am laughing right now at the strength and strangeness of that memory!) A couple of my grandkids are coming to spend the night tonight - I REALLY don't want my random facial hair to scare them, or be what is a stand out memory!!!!

This morning I was thinking - what can I learn from this stupid hair on my jaw????

Here's what I came up with...timing. Timing is really important in life. We want to fix things NOW. We want to have what we dream of NOW. We want to see the promise of God NOW.

We wreck relationships because our words are ill-timed. We wreck our finances because our decision to purchase is ill-timed.

We get frustrated and can even get angry at God if our timing does not match His. I've seen people lose faith over this. We have trouble WAITING.

Hebrews 11 is this incredible chapter showing us faith, and people of faith. It's so great...until we read that some people OF FAITH didn't see what was promised in their lifetime.

Verse 39 - "These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something BETTER for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."

In our culture we think it is down-right wrong to have to wait. I have heard (even in the church) that I need to be true to myself. But that is not what we are called to be. We are called to be conformed to the image, to the person, to the heart of JESUS. I need to be true to HIM, not myself.

Lord, I pray for those who walk the journey with me and are reading (and praying) right now. Give them faith...faith to live...faith to ask...faith to receive...and, faith to wait! Thank you for your Name that breaks every chain, heals every broken heart, and never stops loving. Amen.

Time Out!

2010-09-14T09:22:00.000-07:00

I had an unusual "family fix" during Labor Day weekend. All the little Webbers were at our house (ok, AND their parents - except Heidi). So much fun. So much energy.

Danita brought squirt bottles for the boys to play with. There was one main rule - no squirting in the face! I love optimism!!!!! We learned the principle, "you tend to shoot where you're lookin'!" That's a lesson we learn in all kinds of areas....we tend to steer where we're lookin' .... we tend to eat what we're lookin' at ... you know how it goes!

So, are you looking at what you REALLY WANT to be aimed at???? Are your meditations leading you to a place full of Life? Or, is your mental focus on what's happening around you that you wish wasn't, or what COULD happen that you wish wouldn't?

You probably know where I'm going with this - FIX YOUR EYES ON JESUS. (Heb. 12:2) As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. (Prov. 23:) Be intentional about what you are allowing your mind to focus on. When you find you're aiming at the very thing you didn't want in your life yell, "TIME OUT FROM SQUIRTING!" (Well, it worked for Jack!) Sometimes we NEED to say out loud - "Time Out"...stop rehearsing that situation, conversation or future possibility over and over and over again. We have a choice, just like the little Webbers did, about where our thoughts aim.

Please help me float when I'm all freaked out...

2010-08-27T08:21:00.000-07:00

I have never been a good swimmer. Didn't have lessons. Just didn't swim much in our family. These last couple of weeks remind me of what I feel like when I'm in the deep end of the pool, or trying to enjoy the ocean when waves are knocking me around. Not so relaxing. It struck me this morning how many times I've heard about people rescuing another who is struggling in water, only to find themselves in trouble. There are wisdom rules in a rescue operation.

I'm trying to learn those 'wisdom rules'.

Many hours in a doctor's office, in ER, in my parents home trying to help them navigate the things that have happened. Deep end of the pool time.

There have been a few times in the last couple of weeks that one line from a song (I must have heard a long time ago) would float through my mind. "Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side." Didn't know any more of the song than that, and that was...something to hang on to.

I guess when you thrash around in the deep end because you feel unequipped to even BE in the deep end, eventually you exhaust yourself and you sink. But, if you can have your mind speak to your heart and say, "quiet down, and float", it seems you can last a lot longer.

"Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side." (I'd ask you to picture me floating now, but that would involve you picturing me in a bathing suit and that would scare you more, so never mind...)

I found the rest of the words of the song yesterday and ended up sharing them with my friend Marlin yesterday. (His dad is the one we've been praying for for the last couple of months - he had the hot air balloon accident.) Since we both breathed the words in like they were fresh air in a stale room, I'm going to share them here as well. It's longer than I usually write, so if you are tired of reading, stick with - "Be still my soul, the LORD IS ON THY SIDE." If not...

Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side; Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain; Leave to thy God to order and provide; In every change He faithful will remain. Be still my soul, thy best, thy heavenly Friend - thro' thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still my soul, thy God doth undertake - to guide the future as He has the past. Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; all now mysterious shall be bright at last. Be still my soul, the waves and winds still know - His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below!
Amen (so be it)

"I cried to the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all of my fears."

2010-08-15T16:37:00.000-07:00

So, I had a break-through thought this morning - at least it was to me.

I have been praying about - no, begging God - to help me concerning something that makes my heart HURT. Hurt, like, over and over again. Hurt, like, you think you've dealt with something and don't think about it during the day but wake up thinking about it in the early morning hours so it's been stirring around in the back of your mind somewhere. That kind of hurt. Thought that forgiveness was settled. Didn't know what to do next. Felt like it was chained to my heart and I couldn't find the clasp to disconnect it. HELP ME, JESUS.

This is what I felt like I heard this morning, on the way to church. It seems that I have been waiting for human words to come and heal my heart. In some deep place, I have been expecting someone to call or come in some way, say the right words and my heart would be healed. Healing from a human. What I heard was, "I will heal your broken heart. Not the right words from a person - I will heal your heart. You are expecting healing from a human".

You see, I always tend to hope. Hope for resolution. Hope for restoration. Hope for authenticity. Unfulfilled expectations lead to...a lot of things that don't bring life.

I will place my hope and my heart in the hands of my God. HE WILL HEAL MY HEART, and out of that healing I will speak life to others, not death.

Victory Lap

2010-08-06T16:46:00.000-07:00

We just got home from a little vacation time. We spent 5 days in Mexico with our long-time friends, the Plunketts. 5 years ago we went with them to Mexico as well. But, that year, Lynne was in the middle of a major battle with cancer. Some of you might remember that I stayed with her to help with her care for several weeks. (This picture was from our trip 5 years ago.)

This time, five years later, she is cancer free. Hallelujah! We didn't really do anything super-spectacular, but everyday was a victory day. She made it through such hurtles and is still here to tell about it! Yep, everyday I loved just looking at her - and smiling.

5 years ago we stayed in a room that had a view of the ocean. This year, not so much. Our view was of....the building next door. But, the ocean was still out there - we just couldn't see it from the space we occupied. I could walk to the end of the hall and look out, or go down the stairs and out the building...walking with the purpose of seeing the ocean.

Will I walk with that same purpose to KNOW the presence of God? Will I stop sitting on my little deck and staring at the building that looms so huge and so close in my vision? Will I walk WITH PURPOSE into His Presence and His PROMISE?

II Cori.4:
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Lord, help us, Your kids, to FIX our eyes on You...to remember that so much of life as we know it now is temporary. And, THANK YOU for the victories! Thank you for Your abundance on our behalf! Thank you for your comfort! Thank you for your healing! Thank you for your wisdom! Thank you for your love that is...always. Thank you that I get to love you back.

Breath!

2010-07-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

Have you ever gone an extended amount of time and all of the sudden realized, "I've been holding my breath all morning!" (Or - all day, or all month, or...all year.) That's hard on a body to do, and sometimes we don't even realize we are doing it.

I've been praying in an unique way this week, for those He's given me to care for (specifically) in His Kingdom. I hear myself praying, "Please let them breath in You. Let them take DEEP breaths of Your presence and Your love and Your provision and Your joy. Help them to let go of what holds them fearful or anxious - and breath."

You don't have to GO somewhere to get a breather. LOOK UP! Look up and listen for His voice - His words, His love, His song.

Take time to look around - the mountains around us, the sky above us, the flowers growing, the smile of a child - even a child you don't know - can give a breather to your heart.

Let Him renew your strength today - don't forget to breath!

Christy Nockels - Healing is in Your hands

2010-06-28T12:35:00.000-07:00

SUPERglue

2010-06-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

It's Monday again! Let me begin by saying that when I call myself a 'dork' it is an affectionate term, ok? It is such a laugh-out-loud dork morning for me.

We have these 4 grandkids - everyone knows that by now. Our house is prepared for any of those grandkids to come and visit at any time. (Remember the 2 moving boxes of Geotrax that I bought on Craigslist???)

Anyway, one of the grandboys loves the cars from the movie 'Cars' - so we have a few. There's a little guy named Guido (I think) who helps repair cars in the movie, and we own one of those. The little drill came off the little guy so I needed to glue it back on....with superglue.

Tiny little toy, tinier little drill, superglue + ....me trying to fix it. Got the picture? Of course, the superglue runs down the tiny toy and down 3 of my fingers. With superglue you really shouldn't try to wipe it off with the other hand, because it's SUPERGLUE. (As I'm trying to unstick my superglued fingers I am saying to myself, "This is so SUPER" (or something like that!)! The story of trying to get the glue off my hands goes on, BUT this morning I went to where the toys are to find the tiny toy, and found that I set it on the toy Noah's Ark after getting it unglued from my hand. Noah's Ark now had a repair guy riding with all of the animals. DORK, DORK, DORK!!!!!

It popped off pretty easily, but really.....is ANYTHING safe with me around????

You're probably thinking, "Where is she going with THIS?" Well I'll tell you...

We talk a lot more about the enemies 'strongholds' than the stronghold that Jesus has on us. The reality is that in the Word, the stronghold of the Lord is talked about MANY more times than the strongholds of the enemy. Jesus has such a hold on us. He says, He is able to even make us stand! He won't let go. He doesn't back away when we embarrass Him. His love is deep and high and wide and STRONG. It's like superglue, but in the hands of the Master. He restores our souls. He makes broken places stronger, when we let Him be the Master Repairer. Those places He touches are stronger than before. It's amazing. It's LOVE. It's POWER. It's MERCY.

Some verses to get you started: 2 Sam 22:3, Ps 9:9, Ps 37:39

Today is Monday...

2010-06-14T17:23:00.000-07:00

Today is Monday. My brain really needs to WORK on Mondays and that's not always the case. But, my heart worked today and I'm pretty excited about that.

I needed to accomplish some stuff having to do with my parents. Insurance stuff, communication regarding what looks like an upcoming surgery for my father. STUFF. In my devotions this morning I simply asked that I would be aware of My Heavenly Father's favor today. I'm of the strong opinion that God does things for us all the time, but we don't 'get it'. We don't see it. It just doesn't register as from Him. So, Lord, please let Your blessings REGISTER with me.

One of my errands (after being with my folks) was to talk to someone at U.S. Cellular about my smart phone. (sigh) My smart phone is really smart - I can rarely get an answer to my challenges with it. But, today...while I was waiting...one of the employees started asking (in a very loud voice) - "WHO HAS THE BLACK HONDA CIVIC?" . Well, I have a blue Honda Civic so I waited to see who had the BLACK civic. He then announces, "IT'S ROLLING DOWN THE PARKING LOT"! I went to the window and sure enough - it was my BLUE Honda Civic that was being restrained from crunching into the car on the other side of the parking lot by an employee! A girl (Stephanie) was behind it! Holding it until the owner could be found! Me!

Really - - - a girl was behind my car, keeping it from rolling into another car.

I went and got a gift card at Dutch Bros. to give her as a thank you - and looked up to heaven and said, "I get it. THANK YOU." I'd get God a Dutch Bros. gift card if He liked coffee, but what He really wants is my trust and my JOY at His Presence and His Provision. So, that's what He's getting right now. Thank you Lord, for Your provision and blessing and favor. For every traffic light that was green and every conversation that was fruitful. Thank you.

2010-06-05T09:30:00.000-07:00

Thoughts and conversations that I've had this week...

~Supposedly my ears and my nose will continue to grow until I die. Not that happy about the thought.
~When the woman who colors my hair warns me that the color will be 'richer' this time, it means that it's going to be darker enough that people will comment on my new hair color.
~When did the holes in my earlobes stretch????? Looks like I've been prepping for a plug look. Really? My earlobes are stretching out and going south? Really?
~I tried to medically advocate for my elderly mom this week in a very challenging environment - to the point that I started crying. I dislike my gift of tears. The whole experience made me sad. It's hard to see your parents decline and not be able to fix things for them.
~I missed our grandson's 3rd birthday party today because of our schedule - couldn't fit in 6 hours of driving today. He'll have a blast. I am sad at missing his moment.

One thing I love about serving Jesus is that He never changes. My body and my world is changing. But the Word says, - "Jesus Christ the same - yesterday, today and forever." He doesn't get weary. He doesn't get disappointed. He doesn't have less than mature moments or emotions effected by hormones. He is Faithful. He has a new portion of mercy for us every single day.

This blog is a personal response to what I think is a challenge from the enemy to not be transparent. I want to be real in my walk with Jesus and my walk with those who are with me on the journey. But being 'real' has brought with it some pain. My choice is to shut down and cover up so people won't shoot bullets of opinion my way, or...be real and hand Him - and you - who I really am. This blog entry is an act of obedience to do just that.

God bless your day as you delight in who you really are - and know that God made you that way you are because we need you!

Costume Jewelry

2010-05-27T20:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was wearing one of my favorite necklaces. It's a funky chain with a key hanging from it. It caught on something and the chain just pulled apart. I tried to put the links back together with my teeth but...it doesn't look so good.

It was a cheap buy, that I really liked. It didn't withstand pressure. I felt like I heard His voice - "Learn from this. It's costume jewelry. It's not quality, it's not tried by fire - it was inexpensive for a reason." My response - "But, I really, really liked it!" His response - "You got what you paid for."

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-3

Please hear that God sees your faithfulness and obedience in the face of difficulties. What the fire of your circumstance is doing is taking you to a depth in Him that is strong - able to withstand pressure - valuable - beautiful - a testimony of HIS GREATNESS. Don't settle for being a piece of costume jewelry in the Kingdom that looks good but falls apart under unexpected pressure.

Today's Meditation...

2010-05-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and no not curse.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

Romans 12:12

Intervention

2010-05-03T14:50:00.000-07:00

I had another 'intervention' with myself today! (Yes, this is not my first invention - I'm hard enough on myself that no one else has to gather a group to help me see my problems!!!!)
I was looking at the pictures from Tilly's birth day. (Tilly Marie - 9lbs 4 oz - 21 1/2 inches long - arrived easily and without trauma - which is a total, total answer to prayer.) You'd think that her safe arrival would be all that would fill my mind when I looked at those pictures, wouldn't you??? But no. I saw....a wrinkled face and a gi-normous nose and the start of - - - jowls - - - and a double chin. OH MY STARS! If you can see past my nose you'll find a BABY in that picture. Our little Tilly who snuggled right into my chest like she already knew how much I love her is beautiful - but how would I cut myself out of that picture - and when did all that drooping happen????

Thus the intervention...I evidently didn't absorb as much as I thought from the "So Long, Insecurity" simulcast!!! Oh my stars!

So, what AM I going to do? Cut myself out of all pictures from now on???? Really??? Be depressed? Really?

I decided that since the chance that I'm going to trade my face in for new one is pretty slim... (Can you IMAGINE the trouble I'd have with scar tissue on my face, if I had surgery just for fun? - considering what I've just gone through with my wrist accident???)...I might as well accept it. And the fact that shock waves of wrinkles travel up my cheeks when I smile is....almost fun. Almost like exclamation marks of joy. (Hey, I don't tell you how to settle things - don't mess with MY process, ok?)

Haven't decided how I can enjoy the acreage of my nose yet - but I will.

Why did I feel compelled to confess this? I don't know - but I did. I WILL NOT MISS THE TREASURE BECAUSE OF WHAT I WISH WAS DIFFERENT. I WILL NOT. Can't you see that the enemy loves it when we are distracted (if not depressed) about what we wish was different in life? Really...come on....don't miss the treasure in your today!

2010-04-25T20:05:00.000-07:00

What a time we had this weekend - 300,000 women participating in the Beth Moore Simulcast. Our church was one of the venues and was filled with

spectacular women from different churches and different towns. Women who came together to learn from, and worship - JESUS! Wow.

One thing that will stick with me was the lack of grouchiness. The spirit in the room was joyful and sweet and filled my heart with hope. The enemy loves us to be critical or arrogant or offended. Something powerful happens when we choose to love and serve and forgive.

I am praying that what we learned will put down roots and grow strong - and that we will grow strong together.

A huge THANK YOU to all who volunteered to help. And, thank you to all who came - I'm so glad you did!

....Covering...

2010-04-10T17:42:00.000-07:00

On our vacation we went to see a well known ocean blow-hole. It was in all the info books. Tour buses were stopped to see it. People were set up to sell all kinds of junk to help you remember that you came to see the famous blow-hole.

Along the path where many, many people were walking was a mama hen....covering her baby chicks....protecting them from the approaching storm. People were hurrying to get to their cars or buses before rain hit. And there, in the middle of the storm - in the middle of people racing to see something they hoped would be really impressive - was this hen covering her chicks.

I'm afraid in our desire to see or experience something 'really impressive' spiritually, we can miss His covering, His peace, His provision. I'm afraid that we sometimes miss His covering because we're too busy chirping at Him about the storm! Stop for just a moment right now and experience His covering - His wings that want to bring you close to Him.

Ps. 91:4 He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Grateful

2010-03-22T08:23:00.001-07:00

Just want to say I'm grateful. Grateful that the wounds that Jesus took on His body paid the price so that my body could be healed. My heart could be healed. My mind could be transformed.

I took pictures of my wrist so that I could show the restored tendon. The surgeon did not find it and reconnect it but the Great Physician did. Another picture shows that tendon more clearly, but this picture stopped me.....it reminded me so much of His wounds - taken so that I could be restored - body, soul, spirit - restored.

He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him,and by His wounds we are healed.
Is. 53:5

THE FOG...

2010-03-16T18:04:00.000-07:00

Today I'll talk a little more about the hike I blogged about last time...

Initially, there's a place to view the ocean that's pretty easy access. A paved path, hand rails, handicap access. Someone else did a lot of work so that others could just come in and enjoy the view.

When you take the hike to the higher vantage point, you leave the easy access. Every once in awhile there's clearing and you can look back to see how far you've come - you can see the look-out with people standing there.

Probably 45 minutes into our hike fog started to develop. It collected quickly around the place of easy access. Those people simply could not see the view any longer.

By the time we headed back down the path, fog had filled where beautiful view had been several hours before.

My heart was sad as I watched the fog envelop those people...it reminded me of the Church.

Someone goes before us and experiences God (the View). Tries to make it as accessible as possible for others to see Him.

Some are happy to not go any higher - if higher involves work or discomfort - or the path isn't what they anticipated.

Fog can be discouraging in our lives but, it's only VAPOR - it's not a brick wall. Don't believe the voice of the enemy when he whispers to you in the fog.

We love to see the magnificence of God but is He less magnificent when we are fogged in? NO! His magnificence is still there - just like the ocean is there whether those people could actually see it or not. Don't be disoriented, discouraged, or let your faith be dampened by the fog.

I truly believe that it is time to leave the easy access place and climb higher on the the trail less traveled. Don't turn back - PRESS ON!

Aha! vs. Yikes!

2010-03-02T21:06:00.000-08:00

We arrive in Kauai...
Aha! We can watch the whales do their thing from the porch of the cabin we're staying in!
Yikes! We are not just staying on a missile base, but a missile RANGE. For some reason that one word startled me.
We decide to hike...
Aha! Spectacular views of the ocean every once in awhile from 3500 feet!
Yikes! The hike is more like climbing on slippery rocks, or climbing your way up a mountain with the help of roots and tree limbs. (What has slowed me down in the past from taking these kind of hikes is the fact you do have to COME BACK DOWN after you climb UP somewhere.)
Aha-ha! The two men I was hiking with slipped and fell, and I DIDN'T FALL! I didn't fall!!!! Those of you who know me know that this is somewhat of a miracle. Usually my story goes something like, "and then I hit my head or broke some bizzare bone or cut myself in some freakish way", but not this time! Yippee! (They weren't hurt - but their faces as they suddenly landed on their backsides was so great. Yep, I'm laughing out loud as I write this.)

So, what did I learn? That life has aha moments and yikes moments happening at the same time and it's all good - as long as my attitude is not RULED by the "yikes". When you look back over your day (or your life) what do you think of? What went right or what went wrong? What you have, or what you don't have? It's much more strengthening to think about what's true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of GOOD REPORT....if there be any virtue, if there be any praise THINK ON THESE THINGS! (Phil. 4:8)

Terrible Two's?

2010-02-08T09:49:00.000-08:00

There was a popular book out awhile ago that was titled, "All I Really Need to Know I learned in Kindergarten". When I get to spend time with our two two year old grandsons, it makes me think that we all learn a lot at the two year old stage. The learning curve - how to share, how to express feelings appropriately, how to handle ourselves when life isn't fair, how to be polite, how to stand up for oneself in a healthy manner, how to enjoy life and toys and laughter and singing and play and love - lots and lots to learn. And we learn at different paces. It doesn't make one wrong and one right - it just means we're different people.

Oscar is a 'peddler', and Jack is a 'runner'. At this point Jack does not want to learn to peddle - he gets off the trike and runs. But Oscar loves to peddle. We caught one moment of uniqueness in play. Oscar peddled and Jack stood on the back deck of the trike and hung on cuz Oscar loves to peddle fast! Jack leaned on Oscar to hang on. So fun.

But see, as 'adults' aren't we STILL LEARNING how to share, how to express feelings appropriately, how to handle ourselves when life isn't fair, how to be polite, how to stand up for oneself in a healthy manner, how to enjoy life and toys and laughter and singing and play and love????? (We call it BALANCE.)

We have the opportunity to grow in the circumstances that we are in right now. Today. Quit comparing yourself to someone else (either to feel better about yourself or to feel condemned). (2 Cor. and Gal. talk about that!) Your learning curve is unique to you. So I can enjoy someonelse's joy of peddling without having to be a peddler myself. And TOGETHER we look at Jesus and say, "Make me just like You!"

(P.S. - thank you for your prayers for Oscar - we so appreciate them.)

FearLESS

2010-01-30T10:26:00.000-08:00

Ok - so - the picture doesn't really have anything to do with what I'm going to write about! It's just so fun! Oscar figured out how to suction the rubber duck to the side of his face. That's just fun.

From my heart to yours today are these thoughts from Psalms 112 - -

Happy are those who fear the Lord. yes, happy are those who delight in doing what He commands.
When darkness overtakes the godly, light will come BURSTING IN. They are generous, compassionate, and righteous.
Such people will not be overcome by evil circumstances.
They do not fear bad news: they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.
They are confident and fearless and can face their foes triumphantly.

It's time to exchange fearFULL with fearLESS!

LET IT RAIN!

2010-01-24T18:24:00.000-08:00

It has been RAINING today. It was RAINING last night. BIG, GIANT DROPS. The kind that soaked clear through my clothes when I ran to the car after church. I didn't think I needed a coat today because.....I live in Oregon and we know how to do rain very well. But these were big, fat drops that soaked me!

I love the sound of rain - really and truly. (Actually, I love the sound of water - waterfalls, ocean, white water river sounds...but today it's about rain.) It's an amazing sound. I understand that big, fat drops of rain don't soak in as well as the gentle stuff. The gentle stuff tends to soak down to the roots of trees - and big, fat drops tend to run off the top. I know you don't want to read another sentence about how much I like - no, I love rain, but I do.

Today I have found myself crying out for rain in this valley - BIG, GIANT DROPS THAT DRENCH US - the Presence of God kind of rain. I love that the Holy Spirit gives us times to soak so that our roots can grow down deep and we can't be easily ripped from the soil. But, today I am longing for a heavenly downpour of the Spirit of God that drenches us.

Hos. 6:3 - "Let us know, let us pursue the knowledge of the Lord. His going forth is established like the morning; He will come to us like the rain, like the latter and former rain to the earth."
Ps. 72:6 - "He shall come down like rain upon the grass before mowing, like showers that water the earth."

Then there's this...
"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house. Test Me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." Mal. 3:10

LET IT RAIN!!!!!!

The Prize

2010-01-16T14:31:00.000-08:00

I've still been thinking about the carousel. I absolutely understand that life is more of a race/marathon than a merry-go-round BUT...sometimes it FEELS like a merry-go-round.

This picture was taken while the carousel was in motion (so it's blurry) - but - if you look carefully (you can click on the picture to make it bigger) you'll see a woman in the background. She rode the entire time we were there. She reached out and grabbed those little rings you can catch - as often as possible. There were no prizes involved - she just loved collecting as many rings as she could.

I'm choosing to believe that she just loved the whole riding adventure, and found it fun to gain victory over each ring she grabbed....

But sadly, it reminds me of people going round and round - gaining and accumulating and collecting and achieving - that which gains no prize at the end.
The Bible says that our lives will be like a big pile of stuff (my translation) and it'll be torched to see what was actually worth something in what we did with our days. And THOSE things (moments, conversations, kindnesses, etc) will be rewarded.
The faithfulness to keep going will be rewarded - not the accomplishments. Obedience will be rewarded - not perceived value here on earth - obedience.

What I want is to have something of value laying there (after the torching) so that I can pick it up and take it to Jesus and lay it at HIS feet. I'm a gift-giver - but what can I give to the Guy who is and has everything? I can give my reward to Him! Wow.

Bucky

2010-01-09T10:25:00.000-08:00

What does a carousel really look like from a 2 year old's perspective? We say, "Ride Bucky - it'll be fun!" What does the child think? Jack has mixed feelings about Bucky. Kind of a love/hate relationship. He sees the potential for fun but isn't that thrilled yet with the actual ride. He's got a great dad who's standing right next to him and holding on to him - but the horse keeps going up and down and the carousel keeps going round and round and round. It seems to be going too fast to really be able to focus on something or someone outside the carousel. I hear Andrew say, "Watch for Grammie..." - but too soon the opportunity to see me is gone. He gets glimps of things but it's pretty choppy.

Do you ever feel that way? I'm on the horse going up and down and round and round but.....wow, it's hard to get perspective of what's going on in the whole park! What Jack CAN hear and CAN see is his father standing right next to him. What gives him confidence and peace is the awareness of the presence of his dad during every rotation.

So, you see where I'm going with this, don't you? Today, let's fix our eyes on Jesus more than trying to fix our eyes on the things that are changing all the time. Ask your Father to help you be more aware of His incredibly close presence - His love - His provision - His delight in you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

2010-01-02T10:10:00.000-08:00

I've been reading people's 'status' postings on Facebook. New Year's Resolutions - incredible promises from the Word - even promises to not make any New Year's resolutions!

Instead of some fun, whoo-hoo thought or verse - you know those great ones that absolutely keep us going - this is what I land on...

Ps 95:10 - "Forty years long was I grieved and disgusted with that generation, and I said, It is a people that do err in their hearts, and they do not APPROVE, acknowledge, or regard My ways..."

You can walk into a room and acknowledge someone's presence without approving of them. It's not enough to just BELIEVE that God exists - believe that 'He is in the room'. He is asking you and I to regard Him (honor, obey, listen, learn His ways) AND approve His ways.

Here is the challenge I think I heard from the Holy Spirit..."You acknowledge Me, You regard Me, but do you approve of My ways?" We've walked through some very, very, very tough stuff with dear ones these last few months - and honestly, I think I was starting to get ticked! Another version of this verse says - 'they went astray in their hearts'. I need to guard my heart - what I allow to settle in there.

I think the biggest door to the room of 'approval' is - - - TRUST. Lord, You see what I cannot. You love more than I ever could understand. You are working when I cannot see anything happening. Your are Faithful. You are Powerful. You are Abundant. THE LORD REIGNS!

The Lord bless your new year and your day!

2009-12-20T19:38:00.000-08:00

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
II Timothy 4:7

This is what I am meditating on these days. I know - it doesn't sound very Christmas-y - but it's where I have found my heart settling.

I want to make sure that the energy I invest in battle is for the RIGHT THING.

I want to make sure that I FINISH THE RACE.

I want to have KEPT THE FAITH until heaven.

Here's probably something you don't want to hear...
Sometimes I get weary of the battle (I think they call that - "battle fatigue"), I get tired of running, and I feel my faith being pounded on.

The thing that encourages me along this line is this. 'They' say that after you work out, your muscles strengthen as you rest. The workout tears at them, and the rest builds them up to make them healed and stronger.

So, this week - this Christmas week - I'm not going to fight harder or run faster, I'm going to rest. And, I'm going to trust that God is repairing and strengthening me as I rest.

How about you? How about finding a time to rest in Him this week - so that you can be strengthened.

Ok, now let's all sing, "Away in the Manger".....

The Rock

2009-12-14T08:37:00.000-08:00

PS 18:46...."THE LORD LIVES! PRAISE BE TO MY ROCK! EXALTED BE GOD MY SAVIOR!"

Today is the Monday that follows a Sunday. Pretty profound, eh? THIS Monday followed last night's Carols and Bells Concert. Between the weather (unusual freezing rain and ice), sickness experienced by people involved, families experiencing losing loved ones, & strategic light/projection bulbs dying - I would have to say that this has been the most challenging Christmas project I've ever tried to lead the charge on. Yesterday morning I got up (very early) and prayed - and read - and listened. My brain would not let me sleep, so I can't say the Holy Spirit woke me up, but what I heard was interesting.

The gist of it was this....wherever I walked I would experience the Rock under my feet. (Ok...get ready for this...) Then, I saw in my mind's eye a couple of scenes from an Indiana Jones movie. (I know, I lost some of you right there!) In one of the scenes from this movie, the actors were safe if they only walked on the special stones. Those stones spelled out YAHWEH. If they walked on any other stone they were in danger. Another scene showed the lead guy needing to get from one place to another but there was no bridge to get him there. What was required of him was to STEP OUT INTO THIN AIR. When his foot stepped out, a bridge appeared. Just what he needed, but couldn't provide for himself.

Ahhhhhh.

Last night the LORD was so faithful. I am incredibly grateful.

Today I'm saying - Thank you for being my Rock!

Ps 62:6 - "He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken!"

2009-12-04T17:14:00.000-08:00

Today I'm thinking about courage.

15 1/2 years ago we moved to Grants Pass to pastor. The scripture that steadied my heart to make the move to Grants Pass from a church we loved in Salem was Joshua 1:6.
"Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous."

So, today I am looking into the eyes of my Father saying, "Today I still believe Your promise. Help me to be strong and courageous."

In the battle that we (all) are a part of it is easy to forget the promises. But today I am crying out to see His promise fulfilled in this valley.

Why the picture of the spider? Well, it was on our garbage can a couple of weeks ago and.....I was SO courageous that I texted Dennis in the middle of his city council workshop to come home and get rid of that thing.

Yep, REALLY courageous! Hope to do better in the battle for Eternity.

God bless you with courage and strength and peace today.

2009-11-22T16:56:00.000-08:00

This week of Thanksgiving I am extremely grateful to be working with a wonderful leadership team.

We had a working/prayer/fun retreat together a couple of weeks ago which was a great opportunity for some pictures!

How really blessed I am to have people around that show me Jesus, encourage me to be courageous, and live out what love looks like.

I have A LOT to be grateful for - but, for today, I'm saying, "Thanks, Father, for allowing me to walk with many, many, many wonderful people."

2009-11-16T09:53:00.000-08:00

I am thinking this morning about how prone we are to want systems and rules. THAT worked last time, so it must be what we should do EVERY TIME.

But God seems to think otherwise. Besides the absoluteness of the cross, and His love, His motto seems to be, "Trust Me." "Don't manipulate Me, or put Me to a level of your ability to understand - TRUST ME."

He healed by so many different, sometimes odd means. He used so many different types of people, and different types of stories to show us the Kingdom of God.

So - why, why, why must we insist that He perform for us the same way every time we pray??????? Rules and systems are much easier than needing to trust the goodness and grace and wisdom and power and authority and love of the God we say we love.

The pictures that I include with this blog are signs that show arrows directing the hiker to go in opposite directions. Opposite directions - yet at different junctions of the trail the need to go in the opposite direction is really important. If I decide to say, "the last direction I saw/heard said to go left so I will always go left no matter what the trail looks like - go left, go left, go left - that's my life's motto!" - I will actually miss the trail entirely - and maybe come dangerously close to the cliff.

Ps. 73:23-24 - "Yet I am always with You; You hold me by my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward You will take me into glory."

Today, I am praying for an extreme awareness of Him holding my right hand. I am praying that I am aware of His nudging to go to the right or the left - that I won't have to to pushed hard to the right or left - just a nudge will be enough.

Cousins

2009-11-02T08:30:00.000-08:00

We all love so differently, don't we? What is meaningful to me might be corny or crazy to you. We love by taking the time to figure out how to love in the way that means the most to the other person.

Some people like words - some like presents - others respond to acts of serving or the expression of affection.

For our 2 year old grandsons the big deal right now is learning to share what they really like. And, it seems that what the other guy has always looks more fun than what THEY have in their hand.

Sometimes Oscar will just spontaneously hug Jack! It startles Jack a little but I think that Jack is starting to 'get' why Oscar is hugging him. They are learning how to love.

I John 3:18 - "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and Truth."

Let's pray together that we learn how to love people - not how WE want to be loved, but how THEY need to be loved.

Just something to think about....

My Miracles

2009-10-25T18:07:00.000-07:00

My Miracles - by Jeanette Webber
This weekend I had my own miracles - small ones, in the light of eternity - but miracles still. Danita and Oscar came and spent a couple of days with us. I actually carried him a couple of times. He's a little 'linebacker' for a 2 year old. I haven't really been able to carry him for most of his 2 years because of my stinky wrist damage. I carried Oscar. Pretty cool.

This morning I played the keyboard for Children's Church Worship. I'm sure they call Children's Church something really fun but I'm not good at remember the fun, code names for things so.......I was in Children's Church and they let me play - and I could play. I played all the songs Rhonda wanted to sing - without any pain. None. Pretty cool.

The funny thing is - no one else really noticed or clapped or said, "Hallelujah"! Only me, down in my bellybutton area somewhere, shouted - "THANK YOU, GOD"!!!!!! I can play the piano again - I can carry precious things again - and I can write in my journal again. Wow.

I want to encourage you to keep walking, keep believing, keep resting in Jesus, keep looking up AND keep looking around for miracles!

Jesus, please give my brothers and sisters an infusion of faith at this very moment that You are who You say You are, You do what you say You'll do, and they CAN believe in Your goodness - and Power - and Grace. Amen.

Just grateful

2009-10-12T17:36:00.001-07:00

So, last night I played the piano for our night of worship. I have been able to play very little since the accident in the last (almost) 2 years. I certainly haven't played much since the last surgery. Last night I played for the better part of 3 hours. Last WEEK I couldn't play more than 2 songs without the shooting pain of a nerve being very angry in my wrist. And today - no pain.

I cannot put into words my depth of gratitude. First, for the wonder of the Presence of God that we experienced last night. Secondly, for the privilege of getting to play again. I came home and knelt down and . . . . felt such gratitude to our God.

That is really all I can say to you today - I'm so grateful.

Wind

2009-10-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

I like this bird because he is standing on a bench, looking at the ocean, in the middle of some extreme wind.

I want to 'stand' in extreme wind and enjoy the view!

My wind today is pain. Again. I have an EXTREME desire to lead worship from the piano this Sunday night when we meet to hang out with Jesus in worship and prayer. Physical therapy was rough today. It appears the scar tissue is re-attached to that median nerve that is sutured together. It appears that that nerve is slow in regenerating (which is a painful process). It's a windy day in my body today.

My heart feels the wind from what my kids and their kids are going through right now. My heart hurts as much as the damaged nerve in my wrist right now.

For today I'll lean on Ps. 61:4 - "I long to dwell in Your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings." I might not be able to stand and enjoy the view today (like the mighty warrior woman I want to be), but I will listen to the wind from the safe place - the shelter of His wings.

The Dreaded.....Garage Sale

2009-09-20T19:05:00.000-07:00

This weekend, I participated in a garage sale with my neighbor. I totally understand that some people LOVE garage sales - I'm just not one of them. I deeply enjoy a good bargain - that's not the problem. It's the bargaining that I struggle with. The "I know you're asking a whole quarter for this set of bedroom furniture - but, will you take 15 cents for it?" deal. Can't do it. Don't want to do it. Won't do it.

This weekend I put stuff in a garage sale - the second time in my life to do so. I had fun with my neighbor - made some money to go toward the dryer we had to replace - and actually had some of my faith restored in humanity. Some people did do the bargaining - I think one couple even lied to get a bargain ("I only HAVE $2, not $3" - no eye contact, whatever). But one lady actually gave back a dollar that was given incorrectly as change, and one man rounded the total UP instead of down. (He gave us an extra 25 cents!)

What did I learn? Well, I learned that I really, really like integrity - even if it means that you don't make the sweet deal you could have made.

I learned that I probably wasn't listening to the voice in my heart that says..."and my God shall supply all my needs, according to His riches in glory" when I decided to do the dreaded garage sale. I felt like I needed to do SOMETHING to help with the bills we have right now - even if that meant (dun--dun, dun, dun...) a garage sale.

I am NOT saying that people should not have garage sales. I'm just saying that for me it was not an act of faith - or an act of trust - or an act of rest. It was an act of...'I need to do SOMETHING here!' That is not faith for me.

Why confess this here for you to read? Because, I want to be a faithful, faith-filled woman - even when the bills look huge or the kids are struggling or too many people around us are going through deep waters. I want to be found faith-FULL.

My God will meet all of your needs, according to HIS RICHES IN GLORY. Yay.

Focus, Focus, Focus...

2009-09-11T07:13:00.000-07:00

"Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So, we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Cor. 4:16-18

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Rom. 12:12

God, please bless the meditation of Your Word...

Doors........

2009-08-31T17:01:00.000-07:00

I stopped at Target today - on my way to a follow-up appointment with the surgeon. After a quick walk-through I headed to my car. Two automatic doors opened for me upon my departure...one at a time....dramatically. I heard "ta-dah" music in my head as I walked through the open doors. So easy. I loved that. Made me totally smile.

I got in the car and prayed, "Lord, please open the door like that for me as I try to communicate with this doctor. I need to be courageous and I need to be clear." (These are challenging things for someone who struggles with confrontation.)

Not all the doors in my life open like that. Some take some muscle. Some take some patience, because they are revolving! Some don't open because I'm 'pushing' when I should be 'pulling'. Some don't open because they are locked and bolted shut for now.

The door DID open like that with the doctor. He quickly agreed to what I asked of him. We also talked briefly about the fact that I have a (once severed) working tendon, that was not surgically repaired, but is WHOLE again. 'TA-DAH!!!!!!!' I have a new open door experience. I didn't touch it to open it. I didn't have anything to do with the healing - but GOD DID. I have some work to do to gain back use and strength again - but can I say "TA-DAH!!!!!" too much right now? I don't think so.

The Greatness of Manure...

2009-08-19T19:35:00.000-07:00

I am amazed at how tenacious weeds are. I am amazed at their roots, and their motivation to even break through blacktop to grow.

Then, there's what I WANT to grow. I love flowers but they seem to need intentional attention to flourish! The weeds will choke out their ability to bloom to their fullest capacity. Hmmmmm....reminds me of the parable in Matt. 13 about the seeds.

I'm a fan of fresh vegetables as well. The ground they grow the best in involves....manure. I grew up in the Bay Area so I'm still a little surprised by somethings, I guess. A little manure in that plants life enriches it - a lot of manure can burn it.

When you and I experience a little 'manure' in life we need to keep in mind that that manure enriches us - it enlarges our ability to be fruitful. Don't resent manure experiences. God has called us to bear much fruit! (Matt. 7)

Yep, I just blogged about the greatness of manure. My, my, my.

Jiggled and rolled...

2009-08-11T18:33:00.000-07:00

Ok - so - these pictures of Jack trying to wear my reading glasses have nothing to do with 'jiggling and rolling', but he was so funny with these glasses on I couldn't help but share him! SO FUN!!!!!!!

After my last blog post, I received an email from a long time friend. She was reminding me of when we worked out together at a woman's gym about a million years ago. Part of the regiment of that circuit training included a couple of interesting machines. One involved a belt that you leaned into and it jiggled your....body....at a fairly rapid pace. (In hopes of shaking some of the fat cells loose, evidently.) You sat on the other machine. It wasn't terribly comfortable because it was a series of rollers that spun while you tried to sit on them. (In hopes of beating the celulite loose, evidently.)

I think I have exercise stories like some people have diet stories. Pilates (where I discovered I don't even HAVE a core) - the exercise ball (where I discovered I don't have the balance I thought I had) - hula hoop - kick boxing - eliptical machine - Curves - Slender Lady - walking - running - doing excercise V-E-R-Y slowly - doing excercise very quickly - free weights - not so free weights - the list goes on and on. A quest to find what 'fits' me! Whatever.

You could be asking, "why is she telling me this????" - and rightly so, I guess.

Heb. 12:1 - "...run with persevance the race marked out..."
James 1:3 - "...the testing of your faith develops perseverance..."
Rom. 5:4 - "...perseverance produces character, and character, hope."

In the physical I've looked for exercise that would be the most effective with the least amount of effort. There. I said it. What I'm challenged with is this....do I do that with my relationship with Jesus as well? Do I look for an experience - a spiritual adrenalin rush? Am I content with just hanging out with Jesus and His Word - abiding - doing what He's asked me to do even if it doesn't feel particularly romantic. What if I'm still struggling with things I thought I'd have whipped a LONG time ago? Will I keep going? Will I keep doing the next right thing and trust that spiritual muscles are being built up every day, whether I can see them or not?

2 Peter 1:5 - "...make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance, and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness and to brotherly kindness, love.
For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

I really want to be effective and productive. Let's be spiritual 'work-out' partners!

Riding a bike upside down...

2009-07-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

Had a funny experience this week. It's been hot and I laid down on a hard bench for a minute. I felt something unusual. I felt the skin on my face....move. Really. I was looking up at the ceiling and it seemed as if the skin on my face was being pulled by gravity toward the floor. It's a weird feeling when you realize something you thought was securely fastened...is...loose evidently. When I stood back up gravity again pulled it to the floor. My skin is....loose....oh my stars.

My first experience with loose skin came after having our first son. I wanted to get back into shape after the birth so I went to an exercise class. For some reason, back in the olden days, one of the exercises that was a staple involved laying down, lifting your legs into the air, balancing on your neck and shoulders and pedaling an imaginary bike. Pedal, pedal, pedal. I haven't seen that particular move in an exercise class for a LONG time now, but back in the day it was mandatory for some reason. Anyway, I lifted my legs in the air and to my horror I felt and saw my stomach move from my abdomen to my chest. It was loose and now was falling toward my throat with enough force to choke me! Hello. End of exercise session in FRONT of people that day!

I have MANY exercise experiences that I could share - but won't right now. I guess for today I'm grateful that although I seem to be coming loose in some areas, the Bible says that Jesus has a STRONGHOLD on me. He will not loosen His grip on me. WE ARE TIGHT! Yay!

Don't give up!

2009-07-20T09:46:00.000-07:00

"The most glorious promises of God are generally fulfilled in such a wondrous manner that He steps forth to save us at a time when there is the least appearance of it."
~Karl Heinrich Von Bogatzky

"As for God, His way is perfect. The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him." 2 Sam. 22:31

Don't give up! I mean it - DON'T GIVE UP!
Keep praying, keep walking, keep believing.

"I sold the couch while you were gone..."

2009-07-06T10:06:00.000-07:00

I LOVE things that make me laugh out loud! I really, really do. Our life is FULL of very intense life situations that people are going through and I find such a GIFT in laughter. It's kind of a balance thing to me. (Just like we need PRAISE to balance a burden of INTERCESSION - but that's another subject for another time...)

So, yesterday I had a couple of painful situations come my way. I 'work out' stressful situations like that by....cleaning (most of the time)....and cleaning out things (clutter, drawers, closets, etc...). Yesterday I decided to 'clean out' by putting some stuff on Craig's list to sell. I've never done that before. I'm a newbie Craig's Lister. I learned some things. One - if you put too cheap a price on something, chances are you are going to get A LOT of interest in that object. Evidently, a lot of people on Craig's list love a deal!!!!!

Here's the funniest moment of my day yesterday. Dennis went to have a pre-marital counseling session with a couple. They live out of town so their time together was longer than normal. Here's my moment.....when Dennis came home it was time for me to tell him that I had sold the couch while he was gone!!!! Oh my stars - you should have seen his face! He knew SOMETHING would be cleaned while he was gone but selling the furniture in that amount of time? Now THAT is something new in our 33 years of marriage! It'll make me laugh out loud all day long today!

The second thing I learned is that people not only want a deal, but will ask for MORE. One guy asked if I would deliver the couch and loveseat - - - to ASHLAND! I only put a $25 price on each to start with and he WANTED ME TO DELIVER!!!!

At this rate I'm NEVER going to get this last surgery paid off!!!!!! You know that I don't mean that - God has always and WILL ALWAYS provide what we need - some way - some how. But HE'S probably laughing at my $25 contributions to His plan!

Blessings again and again on your day and your life and your heart - and please, don't forget to laugh!

2009-06-18T07:57:00.000-07:00

No, this isn't my new tattoo....they removed the stitches yesterday from this last surgery. Although I was VERY glad to be past the stitch removal phase - the sight of this incision was a little startling.

Now I work on the 'work of healing'. I will need to intentionally inflict pain on myself in order to gain strength and grip and wholeness again. I've tried ignoring that I've had this surgery and that doesn't seem to be helping, so now it's time to be intentional.

I feel like I'm speaking to my brothers and sisters who are facing - head on - the forgiveness issue that we are teaching about at PCC. You've tried ignoring the hurt and that just hasn't worked. It's TIME, dear one, to be intentional. To TOUCH THE WOUND. To allow the oil of the Holy Spirit and the hand of the Great Physician to do what needs to be done for YOU to be free!!!!! It's TIME. I know it hurts but there is freedom on the other side - health on the other side - joy on the other side. It's worth it!

Blessings.

Are we having fun?

2009-06-08T10:44:00.000-07:00

We are getting to see family of some sort for 4 weekends in a row. That is just amazingly fun.

Look at these little smiley faces! Don't they make you smile just looking at them? Oh my stars.

I haven't made it out of the 'can't believe how much this still hurts' zone after the surgery quite yet. Last night my mind was searching for whatever is '*true and *honest and *just and *pure and *lovely and of *good report'. I needed to direct my thoughts - where should my mind land in the middle of all of this pain. *Philippians tells us what to think on.......the Holy Spirit promises to be the Comfort we need....and Jesus says that He'll never leave us or forsake us - ever.

I'm just reminding us all the we don't usually need help remembering pain, but, remembering the good stuff is what will bring us Life and strength. Purposefully remember something or someone that makes you smile right now. And, thank God for that person or that experience that makes you smile.

"Count your many blessings, name them one by one - and it will surprise you what the Lord has done!"

Today's the day...

2009-06-04T08:07:00.000-07:00

Ever had one of those days that is THE DAY? You prepare for it and try to prepare for what it'll be like AFTER 'The Day'. Well, today is 'the day'. Wrist surgery #4. New doctor, specializing in hand surgery. New town. New day. I asked the Lord to please either heal my wrist or remind me of the pain (to help me with the surgery choice) and He chose the second option (yep, to my disappointment!)

I blogged about my wrist situation early in my blogging journey - it's the one with a lovely picture of my wrist a year ago - so I'm not going to go over the cause, etc. right now. Today's goal is release of scar tissue from the main nerve that was damaged awhile ago. And cover that nerve with a disolvable covering so scar tissue won't bring grief again.

Just using this way of sharing my life to answer some questions and ask for some prayer over this over part of my journey. I'd LOVE to play the piano in worship, hold my grandbabies, carry the groceries, write in my journal, enter my bookkeeping at Hull & Hull without pain. Love it.

I'm greatly enjoying the peace I'm experiencing today. I've been having a battle with fear because of my difficulty getting and staying sedated during surgery. But today - because of the prayers of people that I get to ride on - like riding a raft down the Rogue River - there is peace. Hallelujah. No really - HALLELUJAH.

I feel instructed by the Holy Spirit that God is going to 'do something cool today'. So, I'm looking for the cool thing!

Thanks for listening....

Face Wax

2009-05-30T12:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, so, here's the deal....a person (who will remain nameless) gets older. You discover that you can't see things as clearly close up as you once did. In some ways that's a blessing. When you look in the mirror you actually see a 'softer' version of yourself! The wrinkles aren't as clear, and evidently, a person can't see the new HAIR that is growing on her face. New hair growing in new places. No, not like man-hair that grows out of the ears - other hair, that grows out of the chin and in between the nose and the lips. Really sad. But I (oops! I mean 'a person') have to face this new reality. Other people (like my husband) can evidently see this new ability to grow hair very clearly. So, I have now joined a new world called 'waxing'. A professional lady puts stuff on the offending area and RIPS it off - and moments later that area has no more surprise hairs. A painful experience that one actually has to pay for!

But you know, sometimes we need an outside perspective on ourselves. Someone who can tell us (hopefully with love, and less pain than the professional ripper) what they see that we can't see - both the good and the distracting.

I'm thankful for a God who does that, and for really good family and friends who will do that for me. They love me with or without the new extra facial hairs, I know, but at least I know what they kept looking at when we were talking now!!!!!

There will be no picture accompanying this blog entry......you should thank me for that!

2009-05-14T20:14:00.000-07:00

This is my lesson from Jesus tonight. I have been reminded that God used a donkey several times in the Bible for very strategic and important things. I'll leave it to you to figure out how that might have applied to me...

(By the way, if you click on the donkey so you can see it bigger, I THINK you'll see that it's smiling!)

Sudoku Perspective

2009-05-04T11:22:00.000-07:00

I am a fan of Sudoku. I'll admit to having to go the paper versions of the game because I cheat too much with my hand-held electronic game.

The weird thing is - I've really learned something from playing this game. Really. I've learned that my perspective changes when I look up and away from the puzzle! I fill in all the numbers that look obvious to me, then I explore the not so obvious ones and find those. Then, I get stuck. It doesn't seem to help me to keep staring at the puzzle, once I'm stuck! I need to look away - get my brain to focus on something else. When I come back to it an amazing thing OFTEN happens. I see things that I didn't see before.....there's an answer RIGHT THERE....right in front of me....but I couldn't see it before. Then, one answer often leads to another answer, and another, and another.

My brain does that 'mirroring' thing they talk about very well. That process sometimes wakes me up in the night, or keeps me from going to sleep at all. The answer seems to be....LOOK UP! Change your focus for awhile. It's like I'm asking for answers from God so intently that He can't get a word in edgewise! I have to intentionally look up, look away from the circumstance and look at Him to get new perspective, and often the key to the next step I should take.

That's what happens when I choose to praise Him in the middle of challenges. He gives me new perspective - and the grace and wisdom to take one step at a time.

One verse comes immediately to my mind....Jer. 33:3 ..."Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

What are your 'look up' verses? Would you mind posting them for us to read? Thanks.

A New Day...

2009-04-29T09:44:00.000-07:00

I love the ocean - I love the sound and the sight because it ALWAYS brings me back to the hugeness of our God. It SHOWS me what grace looks like - the wave comes in on the sand and removes the marks from yesterday - and offers a clean slate for today. New mercies for today. How I love that.

I have been amazed at how fast the things that are right in front of my nose (and yelling in my ear) have taken over my focus. I've been disappointed in myself. Dang, I'm SO HUMAN. Bummer! I so wanted to come home from the sabbatical and be able to hold on to the quiet in my heart, the rest in my body and the joy in my spirit - but it seems I still have to be intentional about what I meditate on - be intentional about sleeping - and be intentional about remembering the hugeness of our God. Hmmmm. A lot has happened in our fellowship family while I've been gone. People's grief and pain hurts my heart. "Find rest, my soul, in God alone - He is my hope."

The last 3 weeks or so have been full - full of family (which I so love) - reconnecting with some minister friends (who I love) - and sharing Jesus with some new friends in South Dakota (who were easy to love). I even got to see Mt. Rushmore (which was on my 'Bucket List')!

So, I'm grateful for a full life. And, I'll be hope-filled that He who began a good work in me will complete it....yesterday was very hard, but today offers new peace - Thank You, Jesus.

I'm Out of Clean Socks...

2009-03-31T10:41:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what people think a sabbatical is. Do they imagine a long vacation with lots of luxury and bon-bon eating?

What was my expectation? I really didn't know what it would look like. Our goal was to rest and to listen - and we sure did that. But we did it in a variety of places. From small and rustic - to larger with a washing machine! From quiet and solitude - to busy with people all around. The goal was still to rest and to listen. We read a lot, we talked a lot, we wrote a lot, we prayed a lot, we listened a lot, we walked a lot, we laughed a lot and we rested.

So, now I have to learn how to do that at home - at work - at church - in a room with people experiencing crisis - in a room with conflict - or with joy. In a room where hard decisions need to be made concerning family. Be at rest....and listen.

Ps. 62:5 - "Find rest, oh my soul, in God alone; my hope comes only from Him."

I'm quite convinced that when we add a lot of stuff to Jesus - in the name of being a good Christian - we find ourselves in trouble spiritually. ...Find rest, oh my soul, in God ALONE; my hope comes only from Him.....

Holy Spirit, please pour Yourself on my brother or sister that is reading this. Bring peace where their heart is troubled. You speak the word and heal them. Thank you. I pray and praise in Jesus' Name. Amen.

The Path...

2009-03-02T15:34:00.000-08:00

Ok - half of our sabbatical is over.

The question comes up - "So, what are you learning?"

My short answer for today is.....how we do today's part of the journey is important. Do I enjoy the part of the journey I CAN see? Or, do I miss the joy of today wondering where the path goes next - the part I can't see? I miss A LOT of beauty by being focused on where the path goes next. Today is important. HIS grace for today is important. HIS joy for today is important. HIS gift of today is important.

Enjoy your today!

Sabbatical

2009-01-31T19:36:00.001-08:00

I can usually tell where my stress or exhaustion level is by the level of my sense of humor. Seeing the fun in difficult situations has been a gift from the Lord. My mind is fuzzy, my body is shaking with fatigue and I can't think of anything to share that is funny. We leave for the Sabbatical tomorrow. Maybe one of the harder things we've done. Dennis' mom is stable and insisting that we go.....to the point of Wayne driving us to the airport to see that we get on that plane. I remember someone describing intercession on their behalf feeling like they have a soft mattress under them - one that they just lay back on. That's what I'm hoping for. A cushion of intercession that Vivian will rest on, and a cushion that we will rest on.

There will be another day that I will share..........when I'm restored and laughing out loud again....until then keep looking up, keep listening for His Life-giving voice. HE NEVER GETS TIRED - He really is the glory and the lifter of our heads.

The Glass Challenge...

2009-01-18T14:00:00.000-08:00

Dennis got me something really cool for Christmas. It was a glass pedestal serving bowl. I liked it because the opening was set at an angle and I like things that are a little different from the norm. (No comments on that, please!) He went out of his way to get it, brought it home to wrap it, put it in the box and pressed on it slightly to get it securely in the box and ....it broke into a million pieces. It was covered with bubble wrap so the pieces were contained but it was a sad moment. He felt so bad.....I received my gift, it was broken and we took it to the recycle together - all before Christmas day. I told him he probably saved my life - based on what happened to me last Christmas!!!

My sister, on the other hand, is standing in front of a cross she designed and built (with help) - made out of pieces of broken glass that she hand painted. Is that amazing or what? Her son, Phil is standing with her.

This picture strongly reminded me that God takes our broken pieces and produces such beauty and purpose out of them. He just has an eye for it! We might just see the broken piece in our hand but He sees how that broken piece actually fits (and looks beautiful) when it gets placed together with other pieces.

I am praying for you as I'm writing this....that you will find hope and faith in the Truth that tells us that you can trust HIM with every, every, every piece of your life.

Watchtower Diving Number 2...

2009-01-10T13:13:00.000-08:00

If you look closely at the picture below (it helps to click on the picture and see the enlarged version) you will see the divers head - it's the spot behind the row of waves. I want to assure you he is unharmed and will dive many more times in his future.

My own 'watchtower diving' thoughts bring me to when I was asked to go alone into the maximum security women's prison in Salem - to tell my story and talk about how loving and being love by Jesus changes us to the core of who we are. I ended up going in every week for 2 1/2 years.

I'm reminded of being asked to go to Malaysia and share for 12 hours a day for 3 days about leading worship, and what the Word says about worship and worshippers. The kicker here was that one section of the ministry leaders that were at this conference didn't want a woman teaching them anything. (I didn't know that until I got there.)

Reality for me is that it is a 'watchtower diving' experience for me to let go of anxious thoughts and fears sometimes. To trust God - not gritting my teeth - but with abandon. I love our children fiercely and am not thrilled when they are in pain, or in painful circumstances. I absolutely want them to have strong spiritual muscles, to be mature and stable adults with depth. I want them to KNOW God, and they will KNOW Him by walking their own journey of trust with Him. I'm just telling you it's still hard for my mom's heart for them to be in pain.

So, today I'm also telling you that every day I CHOOSE to dive - to 'lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord' - like the Amplified Version of the Bible says in Prov. 3:5....
"Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding."

Dennis jumping off a watchtower...

2009-01-08T13:15:00.000-08:00

So, actually - this is NOT Dennis jumping off the watchtower - although he would do that if given the opportunity. We were in Mexico and this guy came up to us and said, "my cousin will jump off that watchtower if you give him $5." (The cousin's financial manager got a 5 from a bunch of people looking at the ocean in that spot!)

That guy jumped because he knew the spot he would land in was deep enough to be safe.

I want to trust God at such a level as to 'jump' when He says 'jump' - trusting that He knows the spot I'll land in. Beyond that I want to ENJOY THE FALL! Is that crazy? I'm not an adrenalin junky so I don't get the 'I do it for the rush' deal - but I want to enjoy the freedom that trusting gives to just enjoy the ride (or the fall in this illustration).

I wonder what YOU see when you look at this picture?

2008-12-27T20:14:00.000-08:00

Having Christmas with two little boys who are about one and a half years of age is AMAZING! They are learning how to share - they are learning how to communicate effectively - they are learning what to touch and what not to touch - they work hard at having fun and don't mind taking a nap when they need to!!!! Hey, that sounds like stuff I'M still trying to learn....or re-learn when it comes to fun and napping.

I found such joy in just watching them - they didn't have to do anything extraordinary for me to smile - I smiled just looking at them! I laughed while they were here and I went into my bathroom and cried when they left. I just flat out love them and their parents. I just do. Period.

And that's the truth with God and you and I. He just flat out loves us. Period. We don't have to be Perfect Super Christians to make Him smile.....we just need to be who He made us to be.

Do you REALLY work at a Funeral Home?????

2008-12-18T15:57:00.000-08:00

I'm going to do a little 'Jeopardy' thing here...
Answer: What is "yes".
Question: Do you REALLY work in a funeral home????

Answer: What is "no".
Question: Have you always, all your life wanted to work in a funeral home?

Answer: What is "because I feel that I am there for a reason".
Question: Why are you working in a funeral home?

Ok, enough of that....I've had many questions about working at a funeral home and here's what I have to say about that!

I work there to support a team of very gifted, very good hearted, very great people who work in an intense environment. My main official responsibility is to pay the company bills and make the deposits and not make a big mess out of things! I also do whatever I'm asked to do in other areas that would be of help.

My unofficial desire is to be strengthening in some way. I am asking the God who 'restores our souls' to use me to help restore or in some small way- fortify this team of people.

I have touched, carried, delivered and said things that I never thought I would touch, carry, deliver or say in this job. For those of you who have expressed concern because my heart seems too tender at times, I thank you for that concern. To be surrounded by grief, often without hope is difficult. But, I am where I am - on purpose and for a purpose.

No, I don't know how much a cremation costs. I just learned that creamation is the wrong way to spell the word!!!! (They like me to spell it right!)

I will not be counseling families - only hugging them, if they let me!

Yes, I'm still leading worship at Parkway - yes, I'm still the pastor's wife at Parkway - I only work at Hull and Hull two days a week.

Thanks for your prayers on my behalf as well as this group of people who are doing with their lives what very few people volunteer to do - constantly 'comforting those who mourn'.
Isaiah 61:1-3

2008-12-08T19:02:00.000-08:00

Ok - how can you NOT LOVE THIS PICTURE!!!!!

James 2:2...If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

I have this picture of sticking a cd case in my mouth - - - maybe THEN I'll think about every word I say!!!! (Jack doesn't have a cd case in his mouth but you get the point.) I really, really want to speak words of Life and not death, words of peace and not wounds, words that bring joy rather than depression!!!!!!!!

Are you with me on this one????

Boundary Lines....

2008-11-27T09:22:00.000-08:00

I have no funny stories today. I have a thought, a prayer, a strong urging to encourage whoever reads this to gain courage and encouragement from Ps 16:6 - ..."the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places..." Read all of Ps 16 - but hear in your heart that God has placed you in a place where you can FLOURISH - not just exist.

Heb. 12 talks about our places of discipline. But instead of punishment, the intend of that word in that context is 'a place in which one can grow'!!!!!

Don't miss what God would LOVE to do in and through you right now! In the place and circumstance that you find yourself right now - not someday (when things are different, better or as you dreamed) - right now!!!!!

The enemy would love to have you miss the treasure that God has for you today - that's why it's easier to whine rather than praise, to curse rather than to bless, to feel sorry for yourself rather than be grateful.

Whoever this blog is meant for - please read Ps 16 - let it soak in - let it bring strength and a new perspective. As Beth Moore says - Jesus didn't just come to change your life, He came to change your day! This is a new day for someone. Bless you.

OH! There's a zipper!!!!!!!

2008-11-15T16:51:00.000-08:00

I LOVE autumn leaves. They make my heart swell with pleasure! Such beauty.....but then.....such work! Last year I decided to help Dennis by blowing and sucking up the leaves with our leaf blower/sucker thing. (You can tell already that I wasn't well acquainted with this tool.) I blew them all into piles and then I sucked them up until it was too heavy for me to carry. Then, I tried to dump the leaves out of the bag - but I did it through the little hole that I sucked them up with. Really dorky. I thought, "this will take forever - this is insane." If my neighbor was watching, I'm sure he thought the same. Finally, after unloading a couple of bags I made the big discovery of the zipper at the end of the bag. It unzipped to let all of those sucked up leaves come out of a huge hole - much, much easier.

This year I will not be 'helping' Dennis because my wrist is still a little crazy but this is what I see....

We all go through seasons in life. Some with incredible beauty and also incredible labor (or sorrow). God absolutely gives us what we need to negotiate every season - but sometimes we use the tools of our own strength and wisdom and understanding. When we journey through the seasons with His tools of strength and wisdom and understanding it is MUCH more efficient, much more peaceful and much more effective. I pray right now that if you are struggling in the place that you find yourself you will stop - you will look up - you will ask, "Lord, is there a zipper here that I'm missing? Am I making this harder for myself than it really is because I'm doing it with my limited perspective and not Your abundance?????"

At this moment....look up......

Be careful what you pray - you might get what you ask for!

2008-11-02T20:21:00.000-08:00

For several years we did a drive through light display on the
property at Parkway. THOUSANDS of cars drove through - more than I dreamed of. The message was simple - "I AM the Light of the World"..... It was an extreme example of the church pulling together to literally show Jesus to the community. I loved it. I loved the joy that people displayed as they put in hours of work to set up, and then take take down the thousands and thousands of lights.

For 4 years I prayed that we would have a live camel in the nativity scene. "Oh God" (I cried) - "how incredible that would be - how life like and fun for the kids and unique to southern Oregon". Please God - oh, please, please, please (etc....etc...etc...)

So one year, we found a camel. He couldn't work on Friday nights cuz he was Seventh Day Adventist - but he could work every other night of the week. Yay! Hallelujah!

Until we actually experienced the real camel. He was ornery - was subject to an upset stomach - went 'No. 1' like a hose turned on full strength (right next to Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus).

He spit on me once (in front of people that I was explaining the miracle of having a live camel to).

The only one who could calm him down was Dennis. We'd call Dennis to come, and that camel would get close to him and lay his face next to Dennis' face, or wrap his lips around his nose like he was kissing him. (I'll admit that that was my very favorite part.) You should have seen Dennis' face. Oh my stars!

I'll admit to hearing laughter from heaven as I watched this camel relieving himself in front of our guests every night. "You ASKED for this, Jeanette! - I'm giving you what you BEGGED Me for!"

So, I guess I pray a little differently after this experience. Sometimes I think I know what I want, or what would make God look really, really good. The reality is I don't have the full perspective and sometimes when God says, 'no', it's for a very, very, very good reason that we just can't see.

I deeply want to stand in agreement with what God wants - what His will is on earth as it is in heaven - and not ask Him to stand in agreement with what I want and what my will is. Father, show me - remind me how to pray with abandon, "Thy Kingdom come, They will be done - on earth as it is in heaven!' - even if I think I have a wonderful idea for Him!

(Be sure to click on the the camel picture to enlarge it - you don't want to miss his smile!)

2008-10-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

So - about the horse deal...
We have friends who hiked the Pacific Crest Trail for 3 weeks with pack-horses. We met them at Diamond Lake, just for fun, and they were down-sizing from 3 horses to 1 horse for the last 10 days. The previous pictures were taken of them loading up, and heading out....

When I look at those pictures I see 2 possibilities. One is what actually was happening - 'let's see how much this horse can REALLY handle'. One of our friends kept assuring me that the horse really LIKES doing this!

The second possibility could be seen just by studying the pictures. One could think - "maybe the load is being UNLOADED by those people." I can almost FEEL the relief of having those big packs lifted off the horse's back, one at a time.

I would love to say a great, big, huge THANK YOU to every person in my life - and in the life of others - who takes the time and effort to help UNLOAD a heavy burden - rather than piling on .
Prayers and words and kindness that makes an unbelievable difference in the way I can conquer the trail laid out for me.

I know that God is the One who ultimately wants to carry the load. I know that. I just really want us to GET that we effect each other along this journey. Thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who help 'bear one another's burdens - and so fulfill the law of Christ'! Thank you!

2008-10-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

I feel like this horse!

I ALMOST obeyed.....

2008-10-17T12:34:00.000-07:00

One of the funny things that happens with our little Webber boys is this: You call their name, they look at you & their face tells you that they are actively deciding whether to come or not. (I might tell you right now that I've prayed that our grandkids would not look at me and then run away in terror! You know - you've seen it - a child just LOOKS at someone and something strikes them weird and they burst out crying. I don't need to be anyone's 'favorite' anything - I just don't want something like my honkin' nose to make my own grandkids cry at the sight of me. Ok, that said...) Sometimes, one of the boys will have something (like the TV remote) in their hand and you are asking them to give it to you. (Ok, yes, I've been known to let the grandboys even play with the TV remote cuz I can't seem to say a whole lot of "no's" to them yet. I'll work on that, I promise.) The point - they head toward me, sometimes even holding out their hand like they fully intend to come for a hug or give me whatever the prize is in their hand and at the last possible moment - they veer off!!! They take a quick right or left and run another direction! It does make me laugh, but I don't laugh so much when I think of how many times I do that to God. I hear Him call - I head His direction - I even hold out to Him what I KNOW He's asking for (for my own good) -and then somehow I veer off. Somehow I get distracted, or I decide I really want to keep what's in my hand (or that attitude in my heart) a little while longer. How does that make Him feel, I wonder. Sometimes I'm trying to hold 50 things (or people/situations/heartaches) in my hand and He JUST WANTS TO HELP - but I veer off with my big load and don't quite make it to His embrace. Lord, help me to run to You - fully. To know the joy in your heart when I do (like my heart enjoys the boys when they actually run over for a hug in the middle of their busyness) - and enjoy You.
"Come unto Me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest". Thank you for Your patience with me, Lord.....

Overwhelmed by love

2008-10-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

Four weeks ago today our little grandson Oscar became very sick. Our daughter-in-law and also her mom kept us posted as they waited for the ambulance, as the ambulance arrived and then as they did what they needed to do in the hospital. Dennis and I waited, oh, I'd say 15 minutes from the first call to hop into our car and head up to Salem - not to fix anything - just to be with them. On the way up there my heart hurt so badly for Oscar - literal pain. I thought I had a huge mom heart for our sons - boy, this grandma heart could kill a person! We would move heaven and earth for that little guy if we could. As I was praying for him I asked the Lord to show me His heart for His kids. Confession - sometimes I struggle to KNOW the love of God for myself. That He would move heaven and earth for me, if it was best. Do you ever struggle with this? I felt Him whisper, "I love you more than you love Oscar." Oh, I want to 'get' that! Just like I want Oscar to really 'get' that he is loved so, so deeply - I want to 'get' that I am loved so, so, so, so, so deeply by our Father.
Oscar is doing great - thank you, God - no tumor - thank you, God. It's a regrouping time for their little family and for all of us. So my verse for you and for me today is Eph. 3:18 - I pray that we...may have the power, together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
(The picture is Oscar and Danita - his mom - she is awesome.)

I Shaved My Legs for This?????

2008-10-04T11:04:00.000-07:00

Ok - confession - I really don't like to shave my legs, my armpits or even my chin. I do it (well, not my chin) but only after I decide if my day really deserves it. The day I get to have a massage - definetly shave. The day I'm meeting with people who will tell me what the church is doing that they don't like, what I have done that they don't like or even what the nursery workers are doing that they don't like - don't shave. Why am I writing about this? Because I think someone reading this is STILL trying to be perfect - all the time. I know, you won't look at me the same from now on....you'll wonder, "will I get a rug burn if I touch her legs today?"
Relax! Enjoy the good stuff, live through and learn from the hard stuff. Shave if you want to!

What happens when I try to cook....

2008-09-29T10:03:00.000-07:00

Ok - so, I have this honkin' scar on my wrist from an injury and 3 surgeries to repair that injury. What caused the injury, you ask? Well, I tried to cook. Technically, my injury came from cleaning up afterward but - I would have NEVER HAD to clean up afterwards if I hadn't tried to cook! It was Christmas Eve and I volunteered without thinking of the consequences. I dropped the bowl I was trying to wash and it broke into large pieces, one of which punched a hole in my wrist taking out 2 tendons and damaging the nerve between them. What have I learned in the last few months? Well, for one thing, I definately took the use of my right hand for granted. What I'm learning now is - you can do all the right stuff (physical therapy, massage the sight, etc...) and it still might not ever be what it's suppose to be - strong and useful and pretty! The weirdest thing to me right now is how much trouble my unusual ability to grow massive amounts of scar tissue can hamper things. It's entangled in and among really important stuff in my wrist and applying pressure that is not helpful. It makes holding my grandbabies, and playing the piano, and writing in my journal very, very painful.
So what I have I learned through this experience? I should NOT try to cook anymore, and if I do have to cook - I should NOT be the one to do the dishes. (No one else is buying that theory yet - but that's my theory and I'm stickin' to it!) Unfortunately, I have no chapter and verse for that to share with you.....but it's still the only thing I've learned that's important so far with this experience! Well, that and....'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in (your) weakness."

Always wear clean underwear!

2008-09-22T18:48:00.000-07:00

For as long as I can remember I've heard, "always wear clean underwear because you never know when you'll be in an accident." My thinking is, if I'm in an accident my underwear will not be clean any longer! But you know the unseen thing that we need to keep clean? Our heart....our attitude...our spirit. You just never know when a situation or conversation will come at you that you didn't expect. When that happens what's REALLY in your heart will come out....so keep your heart clean! And full of Him, not other junk like resentment or offense or fear. Matt. 12:34 - "Out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart the mouth speaks." God - help that 'abundance' to be courage and mercy and grace and peace.

2008-08-23T14:48:00.000-07:00

My first blog! Life has lots of firsts and lots of changes - but some things you can count on...
No one is perfect.....no church is perfect....no one leading in ministry is perfect...no parent is perfect...no child is perfect......only Jesus is perfect. Let Him be the Perfect One and give yourself permission to be who you are - especially on your 'less than perfect' days!
2 Cor. 12:9 - "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Wow....