I thought when I got this ancient I wouldn't wonder anymore - I'd KNOW. But, I still wonder....why....what....why not...?
I've been in the middle of a lot of people with all kinds of pain, and I get stuck there sometimes.
Here's a couple of lighter "why" moments -
A tree in a storm blows down and takes our fence and electrical cords down with it. But, the tree next to it stands tall (until the tree guy comes and cuts it down, along with 3 other trees). One tree, among other trees, falls in the storm.
I'm ironing shirts. Noel thinks a shirt hanging on a door means that Dennis is coming home. She just sits there...for a long time...staring at the shirt...waiting for him to appear. Or, maybe she is just amazed that I actually ironed.
These are little "whys" compared to others I toss heavenward.
Last week I found a journal entry that I had written right after my mom died. I had expectations about her last days and her passing that just weren't realized. I wanted to be able to write an article in Christianity Today about the wonder and the peace and the resolution and the gift given. But that didn't happen. Really, really didn't happen. (Dementia is cruel sometimes.)
In the journal entry I found the description of a dream I had had. In the dream there was a jeweled box. (That's important.) Not just a brown cardboard box, a jeweled, beautiful box. God is keeping all my currently unanswerable questions in that jeweled box. They are a treasure - not a disappointment to Him.
Dennis and I went to Home Goods (well, actually he went to the sporting goods store and I stayed too long in the Home Goods store so he came and found me). We bought a small rug, and a jeweled box. This is not my usual style, but I needed something visual to see - to remind me that He holds my deepest questions - and someday I will understand. Someday I will see clearly. But today -- today I hand Him my deepest questions to hold. In a jeweled box. A mystery box to me - a treasure box to Him.
Rev 21:4 - He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
I Cor. 13:12 -For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.