Friday, August 27, 2010

Please help me float when I'm all freaked out...

I have never been a good swimmer. Didn't have lessons. Just didn't swim much in our family. These last couple of weeks remind me of what I feel like when I'm in the deep end of the pool, or trying to enjoy the ocean when waves are knocking me around. Not so relaxing. It struck me this morning how many times I've heard about people rescuing another who is struggling in water, only to find themselves in trouble. There are wisdom rules in a rescue operation.

I'm trying to learn those 'wisdom rules'.

Many hours in a doctor's office, in ER, in my parents home trying to help them navigate the things that have happened. Deep end of the pool time.

There have been a few times in the last couple of weeks that one line from a song (I must have heard a long time ago) would float through my mind. "Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side." Didn't know any more of the song than that, and that was...something to hang on to.

I guess when you thrash around in the deep end because you feel unequipped to even BE in the deep end, eventually you exhaust yourself and you sink. But, if you can have your mind speak to your heart and say, "quiet down, and float", it seems you can last a lot longer.

"Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side." (I'd ask you to picture me floating now, but that would involve you picturing me in a bathing suit and that would scare you more, so never mind...)

I found the rest of the words of the song yesterday and ended up sharing them with my friend Marlin yesterday. (His dad is the one we've been praying for for the last couple of months - he had the hot air balloon accident.) Since we both breathed the words in like they were fresh air in a stale room, I'm going to share them here as well. It's longer than I usually write, so if you are tired of reading, stick with - "Be still my soul, the LORD IS ON THY SIDE." If not...

Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side; Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain; Leave to thy God to order and provide; In every change He faithful will remain. Be still my soul, thy best, thy heavenly Friend - thro' thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still my soul, thy God doth undertake - to guide the future as He has the past. Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; all now mysterious shall be bright at last. Be still my soul, the waves and winds still know - His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below!
Amen (so be it)

Sunday, August 15, 2010

"I cried to the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all of my fears."

So, I had a break-through thought this morning - at least it was to me.

I have been praying about - no, begging God - to help me concerning something that makes my heart HURT. Hurt, like, over and over again. Hurt, like, you think you've dealt with something and don't think about it during the day but wake up thinking about it in the early morning hours so it's been stirring around in the back of your mind somewhere. That kind of hurt. Thought that forgiveness was settled. Didn't know what to do next. Felt like it was chained to my heart and I couldn't find the clasp to disconnect it. HELP ME, JESUS.

This is what I felt like I heard this morning, on the way to church. It seems that I have been waiting for human words to come and heal my heart. In some deep place, I have been expecting someone to call or come in some way, say the right words and my heart would be healed. Healing from a human. What I heard was, "I will heal your broken heart. Not the right words from a person - I will heal your heart. You are expecting healing from a human".

You see, I always tend to hope. Hope for resolution. Hope for restoration. Hope for authenticity. Unfulfilled expectations lead to...a lot of things that don't bring life.

I will place my hope and my heart in the hands of my God. HE WILL HEAL MY HEART, and out of that healing I will speak life to others, not death.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Victory Lap

We just got home from a little vacation time. We spent 5 days in Mexico with our long-time friends, the Plunketts. 5 years ago we went with them to Mexico as well. But, that year, Lynne was in the middle of a major battle with cancer. Some of you might remember that I stayed with her to help with her care for several weeks. (This picture was from our trip 5 years ago.)

This time, five years later, she is cancer free. Hallelujah! We didn't really do anything super-spectacular, but everyday was a victory day. She made it through such hurtles and is still here to tell about it! Yep, everyday I loved just looking at her - and smiling.

5 years ago we stayed in a room that had a view of the ocean. This year, not so much. Our view was of....the building next door. But, the ocean was still out there - we just couldn't see it from the space we occupied. I could walk to the end of the hall and look out, or go down the stairs and out the building...walking with the purpose of seeing the ocean.

Will I walk with that same purpose to KNOW the presence of God? Will I stop sitting on my little deck and staring at the building that looms so huge and so close in my vision? Will I walk WITH PURPOSE into His Presence and His PROMISE?

II Cori.4:
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Lord, help us, Your kids, to FIX our eyes on remember that so much of life as we know it now is temporary. And, THANK YOU for the victories! Thank you for Your abundance on our behalf! Thank you for your comfort! Thank you for your healing! Thank you for your wisdom! Thank you for your love that is...always. Thank you that I get to love you back.